The Foreigner
by roflmywaffles
Summary: After an accident, the American teenager, Benjamin Polk, finds himself in front Yamaku's gates, but can he defeat his inner demons? Rated M for language, minor sexual references, and being very dark at times.
1. The Begining

A/N: This story is sort of being re-done, I feel as though while I have a decent premise to start the story on, I'm running blind, and I hate that. So, I'm taking a more definite approach this time, and trying something a little, unuiqe, something I am yet to see in a writing (From that which I have seen anyway, it probably has been done before.)and hopefully it turns out allright, you'll see what I mean. I'm keeping the main charcter, all I'm doing is tweaking some details, making it clearer, and things such as that. However, there are two major changes, one of which will lead to the unique part I mentioned. (Also I am taking silentcook's advice and am switching back to word pad as it will help in the long run and will try to take more time to write and revise.

I'm laying in my hospital ward bed currently and wondering _"Why the hell am I here?" _And the answer to that?

A cut, on measly cut on my foot lead to me requiring an amputation.

_"So much for any pride I have."_ I think grimly, _"lossing a foot is a problem I never would've thought I'd have, let alone by one little god-damn cut. One freaking cut took me down as if it were nothing, well a cut and an ifection. Damn bacteria."_

I continue to think this as I lie on the bed, then suddenly the door opens and a doctor walks in, breaking into the privacey I previously held as my own and bringing me out of my reverie.

The doctor appears to be in his late 20's, meaning he couldn't have been a doctor long, and in fact would be just out of his intership, that is if my guess is correct. His eyes are nearly pure black, meaning he has a nearly 100% chance of having brown eyes. He has a hair colour I can't place for other people, but to me seems to be fairly dark, my geuss is brown or black, though I will never be able to tell. _"On the account that I have the privledge of being on of the few completely colourblind people on the planet."_ I think with dry sarcasm, not that I can really be angry about it, since I have no idea what colour is, just what people tell me. And it seems like an impossible notion to me.

"Well, how do you feel Benjamin?" he asks, a thin smile spreading over a face that I assume is handsome face to females, he seems to fit the bill to me, as he looks down at me on my hospital bed.

"Just dandy" I reply my voice dripping with sarcasm. "when can I leave?" my voice switching to a more serious tone.

He frowns a little at that "Well, we can't tell as of right now, but you should be out of here in a few weeks." he says in a tone I assume is for children.

My eye twiches a little at this with frustration. When will adults learn that you don't have to talk to a 17 year-old as if I were a little kid asking where babies come from? But that tone also tells me that I easily could be in here for longer, as adults sugar-coat everything when they use that tone, as I've learned over the years.

"Great." I say, continuing to use the sarcasm that has earned me few friends in all my years of school.

His smile returns in full force "Now no need for that tone Mr. Polk" says the doctor, whose nameplate reads David Gatewood, it took me long enough to actually read that.

"Watashi ha sore ha watashi ni ha seijin to hanashi o suru to shi tara koto o konomu, Gatewood." (I would prefer it if you would talk to me as an adult, Gatewood.) I say in a somewhat fluent way.

He seems dumbfounded for a moment, appearing to only to understand one word I said, his. This brings a smile to my face in a smart ass way.

He does, however, recovers quickly and smiles, but this time there is strain in that smile. "I am rather impressed you are fluent in another language at this young age, Polk." There is a definite edge to his voice now.

I am tempted to laugh at this. He has now acknowledged me as an equal by calling me merely by my last name as I did, excluding first names and any formal titles, even if it was a slip. Instead I decide to adopt a more friendly tone, knowing that he could mess with my medicine, after all, doctors can be suprisingly ruthless.

"Sorry about that, couldn't resist, now for an actual introduction. My name is Benjamin Polk, yours?" As I ask this last part, I lean forward and extend my hand for the long-time tradition of the handshake, feeling my new stub for a foot brush against the bed unnerves, me but I refuse to allow my discomfort to show.

He smiles a little, some of the strain still there but less then there was previously. "I can't touch you while I'm on duty, it's the hospital policy." as my hand retreats backwards, he continues "But my name is David Gatewood, as you already know."

I nod "Is that all you came in here for?" I ask.

"Well, yes and no. My superiors wanted me to check on you, and you have a visitor, I was checking if you were awake for him." As he says this he walks out of the room.

I sat there wondering who it was for about three seconds before figuring it out. I only had a handful of friends, no girlfriend, no siblings, and one parent. That was a no-brainer, my friends would come in a group, my father wouldn't, he'd come alone as he had no-one to come with. And not to mention the doctor said "he".

It takes a few minutes for him to walk in, his light grey hair, or blonde as those with colored vision called it, reflecting the light off of it, as if wanting to keep away the light. His black as night eyes scanning the room, absorbing all the details, as he does with any foreign room he steps into so he can remember where everything lies. And I notice he is carrying something in a case to his side, I quickly recognize it as a gutair and I fell a twinkle of joy at seeing that. I loved playing gutair, and it looks like he brought my acoustic one to help pass the time. And though I'd never tell him this, I'm glad he actually visited given that I haven't even been in the same country as him for the majority of the year.

"Hey Ben, how's it going?" he says, opening up with a friendly greeting to acompany a smile on his face, but I can see the pain in his eyes. It makes me angry at the microscopic beings that invaded my foot for making my reunion with dad being because of hospitalization. And not to mention the fact that I'm angry at myself for being weak enough to succumb to a mere cut.

"Hey dad." I say, purposefully ignoring his "how's it going" so I don't have to lie and say I'm fine or reply with a sarcastic remark that would more than likely soil his visit.

"So, how'd the final semester go?"

"Fine, straight A's as per usual."

"Good, good..." he says trailing off.

"So where have you been the last few weeks?" I ask, knowing that he had been on a business trip for the past few weeks, but not knowing where.

"Japan, and spekaing of which, how'd your Japanese classes go?" He says referring to the Japanese language courses I have been taking the past three years.

I smile at this "I believe I'm fluent enough at this point, though something to help with a few of the more tricky rules of the language would be a tremendous help."

"Hon ha yoi daro u ka?" (Would a book be fine?)

I smile and reply with "Hai , toki ni , nihongo o shuutoku shi mashi ta ka?" (Yes, and when did you learn Japanese?)

He goes back to English "I've only learned a little, I have only had a few months to learn. I have a decent hold on it, and to be honest it's easier than English."

"Seems like it to me, and yes, it is easier than English in my opinion as well. And also if you don't mind me asking, how longer will you be in Japan? You wouldn't spend months learning a new language to visit for a few weeks."

He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably as if trying to formulate a way to say something.

I realize this and to give him a few moments of privacy, I turn my head to the right, and look directly into a mirror.

My light gray eyes, or blue as some have refered to them, stare back to me and my very dark grey hair, or brown as it has been called, is splayed out it multiple directions. My shaggy appearance is nothing new. I never been one to get a haircut once every few weeks, or comb my hair everyday, unless the day is an occasion such as picture day or something of the such, however this is much shaggier than usual, with my hair splayed out in multiple directions, I'll have to remedy that soon. I look ridiculous.

Many people are suprised to see that one of the top students at the very well-regarded private school I go to look so shaggy and have such a non-chalant attirude. And I can't blame them, many others who are on the same level of mine when it comes to grades look well-pampered and have an arrogant attitude. I have a little of the latter, but that is usually only displayed around those I find unpleasant, I don't have much, or any of the former however.

As I turn around to face my father again after about ten or so seconds of waiting, he is holding out a pamphlet. Raising an eyebrow, I take it.

"YAMAKU" the front proclaims with the image of a large school with expansive grounds decorate the front. After quickly reading through the pamphlet, I quickly put two-and-two together and figure out where this is going.

I look up into my father's passive eyes and say "So, we're moving to Japan, and this is the school you want me to attend while we reside inside the country?"

He winces, he knows the shock and anger hidden behing my eloquent speech and calm words, this isn't the direction he wants this to go, or so I believe.

"I know you'd be angry, but I don't want to leave you on your own while I go to Japan, for quite possibely forever." He says calmly, knowing that when I was like this, staying calm like my voice pretends I am, is the best way to truly get me to be calm.

I sigh conceeding to the point, I feel the anger subside, not completely, more like subdue than subside "I understand what you mean, and if it means anything I'd rather leave this place as well, I know it will never be the same with my...condition...here and that I will probably be pitied" I say bitterness making it's way into my voice "it's probably best to start with a clean slate."

"I know you're bitter about this, but trust me, Japan is a great country!"

I can't help but smile "I know, and thanks for wanting me along." I say whole heatedly.

"No problem" he says, then he hesitates "you do know what type of school this is right."

"Yes, I saw, a school for the disabled, it's just another reminder that it won't be the same anymore. But, at least I can't be pitied there like I would here with most other student's having conditions just as, if not worse, than mine."

"Now," says dad says in a business-like tone "we do have some details to discuss."

I smile full-fledgedly at that, that's dad for you, being the only adult to treat me like I know anything and trust me enough to actualy share some damn details.


	2. Arrival

Chapter 2: Arrival

The scenery passes quickly, me not even bothering to absorb the details myself, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the outdoors much on the account of my leg, I'd even need someone to walk into town with or for me to get supplies. I hate depending on others.

I am currently in a smelly, crowded bus full of students who are on their way to start the new school year at the school most of them have been going to for the past few years. They were those who were acclimated to their condition, but there were those who looked nervous just as I do, more than likely those are the ones who would be here for the first time as well. But there were those who looked absolutely bewildered, those were the ones who weren't on the bus to go to the school, they were the ones who were there to get into the town below the school, unaware of who they would be sharing the bus with. Their pale, nerve wrecked, and in some cases, panic striken, faces actually amused me. After what had happened to me made all this seem oddly normal, no not normal, more like...acceptive. I am still not used to looking at missing limbs or things similar to this, but I have come to accept it, after all, we're all in the same boat.

But some of the other students did eye me oddly. It was apparent it wasn't because of my missing foot, most of them couldn't care less, they were staring because of my looks. And this was not because I was some handsome knight, I had average looks, or at least where I come from, but here I was an exotic sight.

I ignored their stares, instead opting to continue to vacantly stare out of the window, my thought far away from this place, in my own mind. I still found it hard to imagine that I was missing a limb because of one small cut, just one goddamn cut! I know it wasn't because of the cut itself, but because of all the bacteria that now had a direct pipeline into my blood stream. The infection had spread at an insane rate, quickly killing nearly every cell in my foot. There was no time for a cure, they had to stop it immediately before I lost my entire leg, so they did what they had to do, amputate.

I grimace at this and notice that the light grey scenery had given way to the dark grey shade of the brick buildings of the town. Only a few more minutes before I go to my new school.

"The school for the ousiders, the rejects of society." I think bitterly.

The next few minutes pass with little activity, with the exception of the occasional person lifting their suitcases to attention. My own possesions have been transported ahead of time as I would have been incapable to carry them. The only thing I carry at this time is a small bag filled with school books and one book for actual enjoyment.

As the bus pulls up to a curb of a large, light grey complex, complete with sprwaling grounds, and I'm pretty sure I can see a track from here as well. This is the infamous Yamaku, seems nice so far, with it's ornate gate, well-kept grounds, and pavement with few cracks in them.

The bus quickly unloads itself, thankfully so I can get off quickly. I am one of the last off the bus, having to hop down the steps, something I have gotten used to doing the past few weeks.

The April air feels nice on my skin, not going to lie, and the warm sun quickly warms me up from the slightly chilly air spread throught the bus by the over-active air conditioning system. As much as I love cold weather, spring time still has a nice feel.

I hobble quickly to keep up with the crowd, filled with nearly the same shades of grey and black as the last one, due to these accursed uniforms. Even though nearly every school I have attended has made use of uniforms, I still hate them.

Ignoring the ocassional cursory glance by the curious individual, more than likely wondering what a foreigner is doing here, I make my way to the main lobby, where I'm supossed to meet the teacher of class 3-3.

I wonder how I'm supossed to know who this teacher is, but that is quickly answered by a sign that points in the direction of where multiple different classes meet, I quickly spot one titled 3-3 and I head in that direction. There are already a few students here, the rest would be here later, as I took the first one in here to avoid being the center of attention for a long as possible. I nod to my new class mates and listen to the teacher who says his name is Matou, and gives us directions to the class room.

We all head off at a brisk pace, or at least they do as I struggle to keep up. Two of them notice that and apparently taking pity on me, slow down to walk at my pace.

"Thanks." I say.

"No problem, foreigner!" One says rather loudly, with a wide grin plastered across her face.

I am suprised at her loud exclamation, and look at her funny for a moment, and then I feel my eyes widen at her bizzare appearance.

She has a giant grin broadcasted across her face, but that isn't the most intresting part, her hair is styled into giant curls along her chest, they actually look as if they were drills. Her hair is a shade I can't place, somewhat light grey, but not grey enough to match the colour "blonde" as some call it. The colour is more than likely un-natural as I can't remember the last time I saw that shade on someone.

"Uhhhh..Hello..." I reply smoothly.

She looks confused, "What? Do you speak even Japanesse?" She says while signing.

I soon recognize the signing as sign language, but before I can wonder about that, I realize what I said. I spoke in ENGLISH. What a stupid mistake to make.

I quickly switch to Japanesse, "Sorry about that. Hello, my name is Polk Benjamin, but I would perfer if you would just call me Ben." Then I quickly add "And why were you using sign language?"

She appears to sign that as well, I only relaize it's sign language because I learned some once, and I remembered some apparently.

"Oh, it's for Shicchan there behind you! Wahahahahah~!" Her boistrous laughter is even more stunning than her "drills".

Shaking this off I look behind me, having to crane my neck to do so, and see a girl with glasses, almost pure black hair, and having a business like look on her face.

"Shicchan? Is that a nickname?" I ask.

"Yes! Her real name is Hakamachi Shizune! She is deaf so I interpret for her and say what she wants so she can be involved in conversations! Wahahahahah~!" Damn, that laugh again, it's going to give me a headache, I can already tell. But what she says makes sense, and I can't help but be impressed as I notice she was signing the whole conversation to Shizune with ease.

"Makes sense." I say impassively, letting any admirition or emotion in voice.

She frowns "You don't have to be so monotone you know!"

I'm suprised she has the gall to say that after just meeting her, she sure as hell isn't shy.

"Very well then." I say allowing a small smile show on my features before I return to my normal, impassive face. "Now, we should be getting to class now."

I continue on, without waiting for their answer, wanting to get settled down in the class room quickly.

As we enter the room, I see about three people are in here already. One sits in the front row, her hand missing with a stump at the end of her arm, another one with a missing apendage. And I see two people in the back conversing, I don't get a good look at either, but one appears to be a girl with pure black hair, next to a guy with a hair colour that appears to be in the middle of the black-and-white spectrum, and I can clearly see one or two strips of his hair refusing to stay down.

I quickly hobble to a desk as far away from everyone else as possible and sit down without another word.

The room ends up filling up at a more rapid pace than I had expected and know the moment I dread is coming soon, the introduction. I would have to introduce myself to the entire class, and that is enough to ruin my entire day.

I sigh and go ahead and hobble to the front of the class to be at the ready.

I notice a few others come in and stand next to me, presumably the other new students. There aren't many, but better than none.

After a few more moments Matou walks in a little oddly. "Please welcome these new students." He says and sits down at his desk looking immensely tired. "Well go ahead and introduce yourselves." He says before putting his head down on his desk.

I can't help but give a smile at that, he made it short, simple, and bluntly. Just the way I like it, I imagine I can learn to like this guy.

One of the group goes up and introduces himself awkwardly before taking a seat. "At least I didn't have to take the initiative" I think before heading up myself.

I notice some people raise their eyebrows or something akin to that as they gaze at the foreigner.

"Hello, my name is Polk Benjamin, I would prefer to go by Ben. I recently transferred here from the U.S. My hobbies are reading, video games, and chess. That is all."

I say this with an impassive face and calm voice despite the fact that I felt ready to kill myself, I hate introducing myself to groups.

I head back to my desk and slump down in it, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, for some reason I can never truly remain calm during introductions.

The rest of the introductions are awkward as well, nothing new there.

As the class starts, I feel relaxed, science is, after all, my favorite subject.


	3. The Offer

Chapter 3: The Offer

The next 30 minutes of the period passes in a series of unfocused, yet informative, ramblings from the teacher, Mutou. As much as I love science and that I normally find it easy to comprehend, the fact that we started lessons on the first day is a little odd, this causes me to be a little more unfocused than I ussualy am during lessons. Back in America, we generally didn't start learning anything until the second day, giving us time to get back into the normal rutine. But here, it seems as though they waste no time in shoving information down our throats. Despite being a straight A student where I come from, I still appreciate the time to acclimate myself back home, here it's sink or swim, it appears.

"...and here's the assignment, whatever you don't finish in class is for homework. Feel free to work in groups, maximum of five per group." Mutou says in a disintrested way, still looking as if he just woke up even though he had to have been awake for hours by this point, he even shuffles back to his desk as if he were about to collapse from exhaustion.

I quickly scan the room as the paper is passsed back to me from the person in the desk in front of me, looking for potential group-mates. I didn't have to take the initiative to find my own partners as the two girls I had met earlier, Shizune and Misha, along with two of the kids in the back I had noticed when I first entered.

The guy looks about the same age as me, with no obvious disability on the surface with a small smile on his face, not really noticable, but still there, indicating he was at least in a good mood. His dark hair has a tuft sticking out of it in an almost comical way that reminds me of a ducks behind. His dark eyes seem to have a kind warmth to them, giving me the idea that he seems like a nice enough guy.

The girl behind him looks very timid, she looks as if she were using the guy to shield her from my gaze. Her hair is as dark as night, the eye that I can see also looks fairly dark. But those are the only details I can make out since her hair covers most the right side of her face, and she hides the rest of her body behind the one guy. She seems be pretty enough, but it is her nature I'm a little wary about. From her body language and the constant motion of her eyes, she seems like a very shy person, possibly paranoid, or maybe a combination of both.

"Hello, my name is Polk Benjamin, I perfer to go by Ben, what's your name?" I say to the guy, keeping a friendly voice, knowing that first impressions are very important.

He smile widens just a tad, implying I made a good introduction, "My name is Nakai Hisao. How's it going Ben?"

"Fine, just settling in a little. And how are you, name's Ben, as you've already heard." I direct this last part at the girl behind him.

Her eye widens a little, as if the fact that I would acknowlege her precense was astonishing.

"He-hello, my n-name is Ikezawa Han-Hanako." She manages out with a few stutters.

I figure out at this point she is just shy, probably not paranoid.

"Pleased to meet you." I say, keeping my tone friendly, and let a small smile out, they seemed like decent people.

"Now that we all know each other let's get started~!" yells Misha, her voice loud enough to gain the attention some other students, who quickly look away, realizing that there was nothing intresting going on.

The assignment was pretty easy, as Hisao, Shizune, and I seemed pretty adept at it, Hanako remained quiet mostly, her stutter soming into play whenever chiming in. The first time this happened, I looked up and figured out why she hid herself behind Hisao when I first saw her, the right side of her face looked like there were scars whirling all around it. I manage to keep my shock and suprise off of my face and out of my voice, but I really was suprised, I guess I know why she is here now.

I look around as we finish and realize we are the first ones to do so, with a full 15 minutes left. I mainly spend that time leaned back, thinking about various things and overall let my mind wander, as I seem to come up with my best idead when I do. Hisao and Hanako exchange a few quiet word here and there as they read while Misha and Shizune seem to be argueing about something via sign language, I try and remember my limited knowledge of sign language, but quickly give up as it refuses to come back to me, and I let my mind wonder again.

...

The rest of the time passes quickly and I sigh, getting my small bag ready as I hop up on my cruches and head towards Mutou's desk.

"Hey, can I have my schedual?" I ask, sounding a bit more impatient than I meant to, impatience being on of the few emotions I have difficulty keeping out of my voice.

Mutou looks up, still looking detached simply says "Sure," and pulls out a piece of paper after briefly looking through a small stack, probably the other scheduals.

"Thanks." I say, a little apologetically and hurry out the door after looking at the paper, seeing what class I have next and shoving the paper into my pocket and heading out.

My next period? Lunch.

I follow the signs scattered around and find the lunch room, a large spacious room full of standard-issue lunch table and chairs, with a few of the usual motivational posters plastered on the walls. It looks pretty standard in my opinion.

I sigh, figuring out quickly I'll need help getting my lunch. My eyes scan the room, looking for someone I know to help me get my lunch. Fortunately, I don't have to look for anyone as Misha and Shizune appear out of nowhere in the corner of my eye.

I can't hide my suprise at their sudden appearance, and given by Misha's now-infamous "WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH~!", I must have looked pretty funny.

"So do you need help getting you lunch, Benchan?" Misha says still having a grin dominate her facial features.

"Yes I would app-wait, Benchan? It's just Ben." I say a little suprised at what she called me.

"To me you're Benchan~!" She says still having the same grin, "Now, what do you want for lunch?"

"Uhhh, just a Mandarin Salad, please." I say, figuring I would just go with something I was comfortable and familiar with.

"Sure!"

...

"How's was your salad Benchan?" Misha asks after I finish my salad and sharing a few hand signs with Shizune.

"Fine how was you...?"

"Miso soup."

"How was your Miso Soup?"

"Bland." As Misha says this, she loses her grin for the first time, I actually glad, it meant she wasn't a robot. "Have you thought about joining any clubs, Benchan?" She asks out of the blue.

I'm a little caught off guard at this, but I recover quickly, "I've given it some thought, is there a book club?"

"Yes, but it has already filled to the brim with people when sign-ups went up yesterday."

"What about a video game club?"

"Nope."

"A chess club?"

Once Shizune learns about this last question from Misha, her back straightens a little, and looks a little wary.

"Err, yes there is one, but it really doesn't have much as a membership as there are only three people in there, so it's a waste of time!" Misha says brightly, despite the awkward opening to that statement.

"I think that's what I want to join." I say, not really caring how many member there are, and alos curious as to why Shizune would seem so wary of me even mentioning the chess club.

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you want to join something a bit more pr-pre-prestigious?" She says, stumbling over the translation, and I quickly realize it's Shizune I have been talking to, not Misha, she was just translating, as why would she stumble over a word for no apparent reason if it weren't for the fact she wasn't sure it was right.

"Yes, but pray do tell, what is this prestigious club you would rather have me attend instead of this apparently taboo extra ciricular activity in which I wish to partake in?" I say, deciding to play mind games by utilizing my vocabulary in order to cause Misha to mess up the translation as much as possible.

Since they took about a minute to figure out how to translate some of the words, my little game apparently worked.

Misha finally replies after all the murky wording is cleared up.

"To join the student council of course!"


	4. Negotiations

Chapter 4: Negotiations

"Student council? Well, that was... unexpected." I say, obviously taken back this developement. "Why would you ask me? And how can there already be a student council if it is the first day of school? Aren't they elected?"

"Yes they are elected, what we are asking is if you'll join once we win!" Misha says, her voice containing the same amount of unnatural exitement I'm pretty sure she will always have.

"You seem confident." I say, doubt evident in my voice, after all, if elections haven't even started, how can they be so sure they will win?

"Yes we are! We have won every previous year we have been here! So we should definitely win this year!" she exclaims loudly drawing attention from the some of the lunch room. Once they see it is just Misha yelling, they turn around and re-engage in their conversations befor her outburst.

I'm felling a little bad at this point. Here they are, offering me a position on the student council, if they win, and I just tried, and succeded, to pull one of my small mind games, which has in the past, and probably still will in the future, made an ass out of myself.

"Well, I'm not sure, I don't even know my way around the school at this point."

"Yeah, but by the time the election comes around you would've figured your way around the school by then!"

She does have a point, "Even if I do join the student council, will I still be able to join the chess club?" I'm still curious as to why they would oppose the proposition of me joining the club, what could be so bad about it?

"Yes, but then you would be drowned in obligations to both clubs, it's easier to join just one, and if you join the council, you get all the privileges that come with it!"

"And the responsibilities...and what are the privliges anyway?" I say, wanting to make sure I know as much as possible before I even consider taking up this offer.

"You responsibilities won't be that bad! Those will mostly be with Siichan and I. As for privileges, the ussual. Pull in how we run things, occasionally getting out of class for student council meetings, things of that nature."

At this point, I'm incredibly confused on who's talking, Misha or Shizune? As she's the one talking and I want to listen I naturally look towards Misha, so I can't see if Shizine is making signs, and some of the words Misha says don't seem like things she would use normally. But with these two, you really can't tell, or at least that's the impression I'm getting.

"So basically I'm a pack mule for the work with minimal influence. The way you worded it gives me the impression I won't have much in the way of power."

"You want power? How selfish, Benchan!" Misha says teasingly, and she also effectively shifts the topic away from what I'd influence and what I'd do. Well played.

"Well, isn't that what you're going for by running in the first place?" I rebuke.

"No, we just want to better the intrests of the students~!" I'm almost certain Shizune is the one I'm talking to at this point.

"'Course, because power would never tempt you two."

"Yup!" As Misha exclaims this, her smile gets even wider than it previously was, if that's even possible without splitting your jaw in two.

"It's been fun and all, but shouldn't we all head to our next classes?" I say, trying to avoid answering, and we really should get going, every one else is starting to head towards the doors, to continue on with their day.

"Yes, but we need your answer now!" Misha yells, not agrily, but exictedly. I do notice that her smile is gone and is now replaced with a frown. It doesn't look natural on her. I also see out of the corner of my eye that Shizune is giving me a stern look, can they really expect an answer already?

"I need to think about it, and why do you need to know now, when there is probably plenty of time to decide?"

"Fine, but you have three days to make up you mind!" Misha says, trying to sound stern, it doesn't end up sounding very stern, it just doesn't fit her voice.

I get on my cruches after seeing what class I have next and checking the class number. Hopefully it telling me the floor will be enough.

"See you guys later" I say as I turn around, about to head into the crowd starting to congest the doors of the cafeteria.

"Hold on!" Misha calls out.

I turn around waiting for her to continue.

"We should probably give you a tour of the place when we can! We will meet you here in the cafeteria after classes!"

"Very well then." I reply, dully, and turn around heading for the entrance of the cafeteria.

Thankfully I was able to find my next class using the floor number system. The same happened with the rest of my classes, and I managed to arrive in time as well.

Not much happened for the rest of the classes, just lessons with assignments that I managed to finish before class ended.

I was more anxious about the tour, hopefully they wouldn't bother me too much about the student council, and I really am dying to know where the library is, I only brought a handful of books with me, and they wouldn't last long.

They met me there just like they said they would. And I could recognize Misha immediatly on the account of her...percurliar choice in hair stlye, and not to mention Shizune has a sort of, aura, about her. I'm talking about some mystcle circle I can see around her or anything like that, there's just something about her that makes certain that it's her that I'm in the presence of.

"Hey!" Misha says waving, as I come up to them, her grin still present it seems, "There you are! We were just thinking you weren't coming!"

"I'm still not really that adept at using these things." I say as I come up on my crutches.

"I see." She says, a little awkwardly, apparently she isn't used to discussing people disabilites.

"Where should we go for the tour first?" quickly changing the subject.

"We'll show you where some classes are located, where hallways are, those types of things!" she says, enthusiasm making its way back into her tone.

Shizune nods, sort of as if she were approving it.

The tour passes mainly in silence, there isn't much to talk about. In fact, most of what was said was explaining where we were and what classes or clubs were located in whatever hall way we happened to be in at the time.

I was also trying to find a place where I could play my gutair without disturbing anyone, I probably could play my acoustic in my room, but my electric would be too loud for the dorms. I know there probably is a music club, but I hate playing in front of other people, and besides, my taste in music has always clashed with the taste of others my age, and I doubt it will be any different in Japan.

We do enter on particuarily quiet part of the school, the hallway appears to be almost completely abandoned in fact. But then I notice a little sign at one of the doors. "Chess Club" it reads. Well now I know where it is, and this does seem like a good place for it, it's quiet, isolated, and out of the way. It doesn't seem as though anyone is in there at this time though. I also take notice that Misha doesn't say it is here, it looks as if Misha and Shizune really don't want me to join it, which just makes it all the more tempting to try it out. I quickly make a mental note on where it is.

"And here's the library!" Misha practically yells, ruining the tranquil mood set by the library as soon as she enters, once again drawing attention to us.

The library looks as if it has a pretty nice selection, several book shelves look packed to the brim full of text for readers to dive in, along with many tables and bean bags spread around for students to read on. The place has the classic, slightly musky, old book smell, there are worse odors to sample while reading.

"This is the last stop of the tour?" I ask.

"Yup~!"

"Well thank you for the tour, and is it alright if I stay here for a bit, to pick out a few books?"

"Your welcome, and sure, but Siichan and I have to go take care of a few things, bye Benchan!"

"See you guys later." I call as they turn around and head back the way we came.

I turn back around and try to ignore some stares still lingering at Misha's yelling as I walk into the library, checking some signs for the science fiction section.

The section takes up a few rows of the shelves, providing plenty of reading material.

I browse the shelves for about 20 minutes before deciding on "Brave New World" and a few others.

I bring them over to the check out counter and drop the small sack of book I have collected off of my shoulder onto the counter.

The thud causes a small squell from under the counter.

I start at the noise and nearly fall back off my crutches as a panic-striken girl pops up from under the desk suddenly.

She has a bright grey hair and dark grey eyes, with what I believe are freckles underneath her eyes, she looks as if she is the librarian, though her near-panic look in her eyes tells me I almost scared her to death.

Seeing that I almost toppled over by her sudden appearance, her near-panic look changes to one of apology.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! Please forgive me! I'm sorry!" She says, looking as if she expected me to hit her or something.

Her almost scared attitude catches me off guard, causing me to stumble over my next words "Uhh... It-it's okay, I forgive you, I guess..."

She looks very relieved at my awkward apology, "Thank you! And I'll check those out for you." As she says this, she opens the small bag filled with a few book, scans them and then hands me the bag after she puts them back into the bag. "Good-bye." after she says that she goes back under the desk, it looks like she really just wanted the conversation to end.

I grab the bag, sling it over my shoulder and head out of the library in a daze, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

"The people here are really odd so far." I mutter to myself, then I chuckle, I'm sure my old class mates thought the same thing of me. Here, it seems as though everyone is a little crazy.


	5. Paranoia and Feminists

Chapter 5: Paranoia and Feminists

I'm bone tired after walking on my crutches all day by the time I reach the boys dormitory, and not to mention my shoulder is sore after carrying my bag the entire way.

The sun is now setting, casting long shadows along the school grounds, which is now reduced to only a few groups of students roaming around, most of the others having already inside. They are more than likely hanging out with their friends in the main lobby, or maybe reading books, doing homework, and whatever else they feel like doing, within reason of course.

As I enter the boy's dormitory, I take note of what the other boys are doing. In the main lobby, there are a few televisions playing whatever show the TV stations happen to be broadcasting at the time, with several of the boys huddled around them bickering over what to watch. There are a few other guys reading in chairs spread out around the main lobby, many of them casting annoyed or sometimes even angry glances at the groups of kids arguing over what show to watch next or bickering to each other to change the current television station to another one. I briefly wonder why the ones who are reading just don't do so in thier own rooms, but I shrug off the thought. People should do what they want, and who am I to question their thinking? After all, I'm just a transfer student from America who doesn't have any form of reputation or group, why should they give a shit about what I think? They shouldn't, hell even if I had either a reputation or a specific group I'm a part of, why should they care about what I think? They shouldn't, and they won't.

The room itself is pretty plain, for the most part, it just has the mentioned Televisions and chairs, not much else. There are a few windows and book shelves, and one of the TVs does appear to have a game console attached to it, it looks as if it is a PlayStation 3. I'm a little surprised it's not an Xbox, but of course I quickly remember Xbox's are mainstream in America, but Nintendo and Sony devices are dominant here, so I shouldn't be shocked. I'm a little tempted to go play with them on the console, but I myself am more of a PC person myself, and not to mention I suck at introductions, and I don't want to make things awkward and ruin their time. There is also a group of students playing what I believe are card games on a table in the back of the room, but I've never been good at card games, so I'm not attracted to that either.

All-in-all, there isn't anything I want to do in here so I make no move to join any of the groups, and no one makes any move to even knowledge my presence, which I'm a little grateful for, I don't want to be bothered because I'm a foreigner.

I walk out of the main lobby and head down the hallways, looking for the hall housing the room titled 115. As I wander down the corridors, I notice they are much like the lobby, nodescript, bland walls, painted a dull grey, and in colour I can imagine they would be just as bland they are in black and white.

After a minute or two of hobbling my way through the corridors, I finally find my hall. It looks as if I will be sharing bathroom with my dorm mates as there is a door labeled "Bathroom". I suspected nothing less, but I still hoped for private ones, as I hate public bathrooms, they really are my only major phobia. I quickly inspect the nearest room's nameplate, and to my pleasant surprise, it is displays the number "115".

Just as I am trying to fish my keys from my pocket, eager to relieve my shoulders of their burden, which is really starting to hurt, I hear one of the doors down the hall creaking open. I turn around a little awkwardly on my crutches to see who it is, and find myself looking at some kid with pure black hair, he is currently wearing very thick glasses that immediately makes me wonder if he can even see through them, because they are almost comically thick. There also appears to be multi-grey coloured scarf adorning his neck that doesn't make any sense, as it is pretty warm this time of year, and he also appears to have and umbrella in one hand, the umbrella appears to have a very sharp tip at the end.

"Who the hell are you?" the kid with the scarf asks threateningly, his face having a look of severe consentration on his face, as if he were trying to make out details.

_"He's probably partially blind."_ I think to myself, he has thick glasses, implying he has poor vision, but blind people don't wear those types of glasses, and if he has to strain to make out details, they probably don't make much of a difference.

"I'm Polk Benjamin, the transfer student from America, I'll be staying in this hallway for the remainder of the year." I am careful to keep my voice level, so far I'm getting the impression he isn't that stable.

"Stay there, let me see." He says, the threating tone still present.

He suddenly steps forward, keeping his umbrella pointed at my chest, but not extending it, so he can see me clearly without having to lower it. He breathes heavily as he examines me, his breath reeks of the rancid scent of tuna, nearly causing me to hurl on him. The point of the umbrella is on my chest, threatening to knock me over at the slightest push. I manage to keep my face blank, but my outwardly calm state is betrayed by a drop of sweat sliding down my forehead. How can I even consider being calm when some maniac with an umbrella is threateningly close to toppling me over, and he could probably kill me right here if he wants to, he definitely appears to be insane enough to at least try if he wants to.

He steps back, and I notice that his serious, almost maniacal frown is gone, and is replaced by a friendly smile. He tosses the umbrella to the side. I'm astounded my his sudden change in attitude. So far I'm almost sure he's paraniod and bi-polar. But I don;t let my guard down, he certainly is very unstable, if I were to think any differently, I's either be a fool or insane myself.

"Sorry about that man, but you can never be too cautious with these damn feminists wandering around,." As he says this last part, his smile transforms into a disapproving frown, while I can't see his eyes, I'd assume they took a look of displeasure or hatred, given by the reaction of his frown and crunched up eyebrows. Then I fully register what he had just said.

"Feminists? I can't say I'm familiar with them." I say, genuinly confused, I know what feminism is, but the way he addressed them, it gives the imprssion they are life threatening group of extremists.

"You know, the feminists! You probably encountered several of them so far. They are cunning bitches, leading you to believe they can trust you, and then stabbing you in the back! But not before making you do their dirty work for them!" He says this with a intense distain and hatred, his face looking visibly furious at the thought of these so called "feminists".

"No I don't know." I say dryly, wanting this conversation to come to a close, as my shoulder is starting to burn from the weight of my bag and from the strap digging into my skin.

"You don't? I thought they had a major presence in America! They do, don't they? Of course they do! My intel is never wrong! You're just playing dumb! They even outnumber men over there now! And now they do in Yamaku as well! 60-40 split, man! That is total bull shit! There should never be more women then men! The more there are, the more control they have, the more control they have the more firepower they have for when they launch their campaign against men! And if they have superior numbers and firepower, they will eventually overwhelm us! And then all of us possessing the Y-chromosome will be the personal slaves to those double X bastards' whims!" He takes several deep, angry breaths after yelling this, as he spouted all this information in the span of about 25 seconds, a little less than half of what it should take for a normal human to expend that much breath in one sitting, if he keeps this up he'll probably die from lack of oxygen or from severe amounts of carbon dioxide present in the air, and if the latter happens I'll be dead too, and I'll be pissed off if that happens to me.

I thought they didn't accept insane people here, but it seems that I might have been wrong. "Uhh... I guess?" I say, I have never been good at social interaction, and having someone rant to me in an insane manner isn't exactly a walk in the park for me either.

"I'm glad you understand." He says, his anger dissapating immediatly, "Welcome to the war effort bro."

"Sure..." I say wanting to get away from this guy before he goes on another rant, "I'll be in my room..." As I say this I turn around, open up my door into my room in a bit of a daze.

"Sure, see ya later bro, and my names Kenji." Kenji says, seemingly appeased by the thought he had someone else to join the war effort, "And keep you curtain closed to thwart snipers! You're a target now! And keep your distance from that deaf bitch Shizune! She will rip your testicles off and slowly roast them over a fire before eating them in front of you!" He yells those frightening words almost as an after-thought.

I after letting my bag fall off my shoulder, I turn around and lock the door, just in case Kenji tries to break-in, he seems capable of it. After locking the door, I hobble over to my bed and sit on it, laying my crutches on the floor and observe the room.

It has the same bland, grey paint as the rest of the dorms and only has a one-person bed. My acoustic and electric guitars lay on the oposite side of the room, leaning on my amp for support. There is also a desk with my laptop on it, charger and mouse laying next to it, and a closet is next to it, presumably filled with uniforms. No door to the bathroom, for it is across the hall, I'll have to walk across the hall to reach it, that won't be a problem though, it's easy enough to sling clothes across you shoulder and then go across the hall, open a door, close it, and then put said clothes on a counter, and proceed to take a bath. I hate taking baths, but I can't take a shower, as it's hard to stand up and wash youself with only one leg to support yourself.

I'm tempted to play gutair for a few minutes, but decide against it as I wasn't in the mood to play acousitc, and my electric would be too loud, and playing electric unplugged doesn't have much alure to me.

I also almost head over to my laptop do play a game of Star Craft or maybe on of Killing Floor, but I realize that I don't have an access code for the school WiFi yet, and I don't want to play against the computer or by play myself, so I decide against playing. I'll have to get the code for it sometime soon, as the internet is the main way I communicate with my dad and how I get news.

With nothing else to do, I crack open "Brave New World" and begin to read it, I get lost in the words of the book for an hour or so before I start to get tires, so I mark my page, turn off the lights and lie down in bed.

I sigh and close my eyes,trying to get to sleep, and hope I don't get hit by my insomnia, as it has been acting up recently, but of course, since insomnia is a giant asshole, and decides to come and visit me tonight.


	6. Facade

Chapter 6: Facade

My sleepless night was one of long, tired misery. Insomnia generally has that affect on me, lack of sleep in general has that affect one everyone. I lied down there, in my soft, comfortable, but unnaturally foreign, sheets, for hours upon hours of restless, silent, wariness. And by the time dawn finally decides it's time to once again return to the land of humans, I'm still just laying there, inactive. And I am just as tired now as I was when I first decided to attempt sleep, if not more so. I give an audible groan as I sit up on the bed, shoulder muscles still groaning from the lack of intact, un-torn tissue because of the previous, active day. Far too active it seems, after all, I am still unused to having my shoulders and arms being the primarily used limbs in a day full of movement. But there is a more stressful type of weariness present, a weariness that lays not in my physical form, but inside the recesses of my mind. It is the weariness of keeping up a never ending facade, a never ending lie. The lie of me being a calm, collected individual that the rest of the world observes. Normally I keep this fake skin on easily, but the sleep-deprived night, as well as the physical exhaustion from yesterday, have taken a toll on my self-control. I know this because I realize I feel my pit of bitterness and anger swelling up inside me, ready to storm the surface of my emotions at a moments weakness in my battle-lines of restraint, bitterness and anger that I have grown accustomed to hiding and holding in over the past few years, bound and limited in the dark recesses of my mind. I kept it up the act at all times, even when I am with my father, my few, close friends, and hell, even when I am alone. I keep the feelings buried, try to forget them, but there are time like these where I can feel the invading whatever part of the brain regulates a human's emotions. I can't go out today. I can't let my cover slip, the anger and bitterness that will show will be interpreted as a sign of weakness, and weakness leads to exploitation, which leads to despair, and this chain reaction continues for a long time, until ending in one of two possible results.

One: The easy, cowardly way out, you take your own life.

Two: You suffer through a dark, insignificant, miserable existence where you let others control you completely.

If the religions of the world are correct in their beliefs, the first option is merely a quick and easy way out of life, and straight into the deep, burning pits of hell. I doubt this is the truth, but there is a definite possibility of this being true, so this is to be avoided at all costs. But the other option is no better, your life as a whole becomes a living hell, and is in some ways, the worst type of punishment, worse that any form of god could ever conceive, even the dark and unholy recesses of the devil's mind. Perhaps that is why religious figures around the world say that blindly following them, even if it costs you your life, livelihood, and all things you value in life, because they believe if you suffer enough in life, the devil decides to let you skip on the pits of hell and arrive at the pearly gates of heaven. Of course they paraphrase this in words that are no longer used, making it easier to deceive those they preach the "truth" to. But even if this is true, is it really any better? The only thing you accomplished in life was bend yourself to the whims of others, even though most, if not all, the time you won't know motives, goals, or anything that may give you a reason to not follow them. And governments are exactly the same as religious organizations, they would love it if they had total control over you, a weakness to exploit, and start that vicious cycle.

It is possible I'm wrong, in fact, I'm certain some don't think along the lines I believe they do. But, I truly think the majority want total control over as many people as possible, after all, power over humans is what people truly want, there are no exceptions, there are those who resist the temptation, even when they have the chance, the rest get it, or become the ones manipulated. Oh, the cruel, cold irony of it all.

I'm positive my views would land me in a mental institution on places, probably executed in many third-world countries, because at the end of the day, humans find it nearly impossible to find the truth of anything that conflicts with their image of the world. And I'm no different.

And this is why I must keep up this facade, never show weakness. Always appear calm, collected, and seem like you know what the hell you're doing. And that is why I need rest, to keep up this facade, this lie, that my life has become.

And I do wonder, is this just another scenario of the fate I have tried so hard to stay away from? Probably, but it's my only idea at the time.

But, the skin was getting easier to wear. I even have begun to actually, enjoy myself, I like being with people, I enjoy reading, I enjoy playing video games, I like playing chess, and I sure as hell love playing guitar. I legitimately enjoy myself. Maybe this isn't just a second, fake skin. I can't tell. I really can't, and that frustrates me.

But enough of that, I need sleep right now, and sleep I shall, insomnia be damned.

* * *

Short, but It does show Ben's dark thoughts despite his exterior attitude, hopefully you guys don't mind the direction this story is taking, but this is where I wanted it to go since the beginning.


	7. Pain

This one is much longer than the others, the others had about 1,500-2,000 each, this one has 4,784.

* * *

Chapter 7: Pain

The rest of the day passes in bed, I don't even get up to eat, I mean, why should I, when I'm not hungry? Eventually the bout of insomnia is over, with me victorious, and I manage to get a few hours of sleep before there is a knock at the door.

"Benchan? Are you in there? Where were you all day? School is already over!" Comes a voice that seems, at least to my ears, to try and be stern, but can't mask the natural bubbly tone so often associated with it.

I groan as I recognize it as Misha. Damn, I wish she didn't come, I only had four hours of sleep in the past 24 hours at this point. But it was enough, my barriers seem intact now, I feel much better now that the pit of emotions has been put back in its place inside the bowels of my heart.

"Coming." I say groggily.

I make my way towards the door, not bothering to get my crutches, it was only a few feet and my shoulders still feel way too sore to support myself on crutches, so I simply hop over to the door without care whether or not it is with grace.

"Hello, Misha, Shizune," I say, I should have figured Shizune would be here too, so far they seem as if they are joined at the hip. I keep my voice level and calm, but let a little of my grogginess slip into it to let them know they woke me up. I doubt it'll make any difference though, these two seem like hardcore students, or at least Shizune does, and she seems like she's the one in charge, "what are you doing here?" I say, knowing damn well what the answer will be.

"You weren't at school today! And it's only the second day!" Misha pouts, her unnatural shade-of-grey hair framing her face in a cute way, the pout really only augmented her cuteness.

"I had a bout with insomnia last night," I say, still keeping my calm reasonable tone "I got next to no sleep until about four hours ago, then you woke me up." I feel a little bad for putting it bluntly, but generally that's the best way to get conversations over with quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Shizune is signing to Misha.

"Okay, but you had better be back tomorrow!" She points at me in a threatening way, but just as it was with her tone, she fails miserably, and signs what she said to Shizune, who nods, looking satisfied at what had been said. She's the one should keep in my field of view during conversations, and not to insult Misha, but Shizune seems like the brains of the outfit.

"I will," I reply simply, "good-bye." once I hear a "good-bye" from Misha, I close the door and head back to my bed, happily anticipating the comfort of my sheets.

Once I get to my bed and lie down in it, I sigh, content on how that went, and go back to sleep.

* * *

My alarm clock reads 4:00 AM once I wake up. Dammit, I guess sleeping since around noon with only one short stop would get me to wake up early. I sigh and get up.

I quickly take a bath, still a little frustrated at my inability to take showers any more, as it is pretty hard to support and wash yourself on one leg after all. Well, it's better than having to have someone having to help me get a shower.

I am just getting into my uniform when the door handle turns, allowing the door to swing open and nearly scaring the shit out of me.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, making sure to keep fear out of my voice, and shoving down my initial shock down.

"Huh? Oh, it's you, the American. Ben, I think." comes a quirky voice.

"Yeah it's me." I manage to place the voice as Kenji's despite only hearing it on one occasion before, and I inwardly breathe a sigh of relief, I had heard about too many people getting murdered by psychopaths in showers for me to ever really be comfortable in a bathroom, especially a public one.

I manage to see him through the steam and notice something really unpleasant, something I wish I never will have to see again in my life.

His wang.

He is literally just standing there stark naked, not a stitch of clothing on him, except for socks, I manage to notice he is wearing socks before I advert my eyes, trying to unsee what can't be unseen.

"What the hell Kenji? Why are you naked?" It takes all my willpower to keep myself from yelling then and there. That would be a disaster, that would open the flood gates for the pit to storm the surface.

"I'm here to take a shower, why would I wear clothes?" He replies, aggravation making its way into his voice, I also take note that his eyebrows scrunch up, just adding to my suspicion that he believes this is a stupid question.

I just shake my head, grab my recently worn clothes, get my crutches, and hobble back into my room.

Once in there, I dump my dirty clothes on the floor, I'll find out where I go wash them when I get back later.

I grab my electric guitar, which is still in its case, put the strap around my shoulder, and throw my bag over my shoulder as well. This is slightly painful, but I only have to go a short distance with this, but I'll need someone else's help with the last thing I want to bring into the school.

I head outside, and knock on the bathroom door. I don't have much of a choice but ask Kenji to help me, no one else seems to be awake right now and I don't really know anyone else.

I hear shuffling from the other side of the door "Who's there?" comes Kenji's voice.

"It's Ben, I need your help with something. Can you help me out? I'll owe you one." I say.

"Sure bro, anything for a fellow freedom fighter." Kenji replies. He may be a nut job, but he doesn't seem like that bad of a guy, maybe I misjudged him.

I hear the door lock twisting to the right, the door handle turns, and the door gives a slight creak as it gives way to Kenji's slight push. A small amount of steam escapes the room it was previously imprisoned in, and hits me in the face, slightly startling me, but nothing that I can't easily hide.

"Thanks Kenji, I hope it isn't too heavy though, I need help carrying something into the school." I say.

"What is it?"

"An electric guitar amp, a small one, but it still is fairly heavy."

"No problem, my anti-feminist training routine keeps me as buff as a freakin' male model man! Except my muscles aren't artificial like the ones of those damn poster boys." he genuinely seems angry at his own mention of male models, and probably is even more so since he compared himself to them.

"Okay then..." I say trailing off, deciding not to question what ever he just told me, he'd probably just explain what he said to me, and I don't want to get a headache this early in the morning.

I turn around and open my door letting him in and show him my amp, it is a medium sized one, fairly easy to carry short distances, but as I can't really throw it over my shoulder with a strap, I need someone to help me carry it. The amp in question is black with about a dozen knobs with varying labels signaling each of their functions, all printed in English.

He grabs it and picks it up with surprising strength, maybe his "anti-feminist training routine" is more than him just bragging. "Show the way." he says, his voice showing no traces of strain.

Wordlessly, I turn around and begin the journey to an abandoned hall I had noticed earlier, and it is not the one with the chess club located in it, which I still need to visit.

By the time I arrive at the hallway and select a room to put down my guitar and amp, I'm pretty tired, but a few minutes of rest should solve that. But Kenji looks just fine, hell, he didn't even break a sweat, and he carried the heavier load. I can't but be impressed at his surprising strength.

"Thanks Kenji, call me if you need help yourself, I owe you one."

"No problem bro, but I have to get back now, who knows how much damage the feminists could do to my intel if I don't get back there soon. See ya, and watch for those damn feminist spies, you never know when they're sneaking up on you!" He calls this last part over his shoulder as he runs out the door at a full sprint.

I shake my head at that, I doubt I'll ever understand him. My mind quickly looses interest in Kenji as I once again take stock of the room. It is the same, dull shade of grey that decorates the male dormitories, as well as the usual black and white, tiled floor. There is one table in the middle of the room, along with four chairs. The amp is currently plugged into the wall, courtesy of Kenji, of course. The cables are in my bag, and even without the use of both my legs, I should easily be able to get one of the chairs over there, set up the connector cable, and get out my guitar.

I ended up being correct, while it took more time and effort than it normally would, I got the guitar and amp set up and standing at the ready to start pumping out cords. However there is one problem, I'm hungry. I didn't eat all day yesterday, and on the first day I skipped out on dinner. But the cafeteria probably won't be open, as it is only 5:30 AM right now.

I sigh, I really should've eaten while I was awake yesterday, but of course I was paranoid about the "pit" making its way to the surface and letting all my anger and bitterness stored over years force its way out. Maybe I should relax more. No. I can't ever allow my guard down where the "pit" is concerned, I don't want to push every one away. I don't want to appear weak, where I let my anger get the best of me. And to keep it in check I need energy, which is why when my insomnia decides to come and visit, things get dangerous. I'll just lose myself in the music until 6:30, and then I'll head to the cafeteria, see if it's open, and head to homeroom from there, sounds like a plan.

I truly don't notice, or focus, on anything else while I play, all I pay attention to are the chords being struck on my strings, and the words broadcasted from my throat, right now, all I care about is the music. Music is one of the few things I have an absolute passion for, I may not be the greatest singer, and my guitar playing skills aren't at the level of many professional musicians, but they are enough to please my own senses, and that is all I care about. Many of the songs I play contain vulgar words in their lyrics, but I don't care to censor them. If I were to censor myself, that would interrupt the flow of the music that the writers worked hard to achieve, what kind of repayment would that be? And I doubt many people here know English, so the possibility of me being reprimanded for the use of foul language in the public halls is minuscule, and not to mention the fact that it is very early in the morning means that few, or any, would be wandering the halls at this hour, especially in one that appears to be abandoned, even at the busiest time of day.

The songs I play almost always have similar themes, dark, melodic, and have deep meanings, or least meanings that truly represent something other than want to "party all night long" or other themes similar to the one mentioned, otherwise known as the pop section of music that is so prevalent back in the sates, sure there are exceptions to this stereotype of pop music, but it does make up the majority. There are exceptions to the songs I play, after all, it is nice to play some songs that are just good head bangers.

Just as I predicted, nobody appears to have heard the noise, or just didn't come to investigate it, as the hour passes with just me and my guitar for company. With a small amount of reluctance, I put down my guitar, turn off the amp, sling my bag over my shoulder, which feels much better now, get on my crutches, and head out the door.

Thankfully, I remember the way to the cafeteria and head there, due to my nonchalant pace and the extra five minutes spent putting my things in the room I have already dubbed "the guitar room" I arrive at 7:00, and apparently that seems to be when the cafeteria opens, that is pretty convenient.

From the culture books I have read on Japanese foods, a common breakfast food is steamed rice along with miso soup, so that's what I have. Someone from the staff helps bring the food to a table I picked out. The table is located in a corner, and there isn't anyone else sitting there, which is reasonable since there are only a handful of other people here.

The soup and rice taste pretty bland, but not overly unpleasant to eat. I quickly scarf it down as my stomach has been demanding tribute all morning, and when I finally decide pay up, it quiets down, apparently satisfied for the moment.

I sigh contently and open by bag, and remove "A Brave New World" and resume where I left off two days ago, and am quickly sucked back into the amazing world Huxley created, a world filled with test-tube babies and where parents are unheard of. The latter causes the pit to boil, but without the mention of one the genders in specific, it cannot bring itself to try and take the surface. I put the pit back in its place with little effort, I am used to this by now, but it always feels so, unnatural. Like those feeling aren't meant to be kept in, but even if they aren't, I won't let them go. I _can't_ lose control of it, no matter what.

I am about to finish up a chapter, and put of the book away when I hear someone sitting down in front of me. I quietly look up, and see a tall girl sitting down across from me. She her eyes are light grey and seem unfocused as she looks straight ahead, and at me, but she doesn't seem like notices me, how odd. Her hair is very light grey and goes further than shoulder-length, but I can't tell how far as the table obstructs me from viewing much more than her upper torso. Her complexion is pretty pale, and her facial structure has some semblance to that of Japanese decent, but also appears to be European as well, she is probably part-Japanese-part-something-from-Europe. I notice that she appears to be possession of a cane, as it is leaning against the table, some of the upper parts of the cane are visible over the table. and from what I can see, it is too thin to be for support, so I'd guess it's for navigation. I'd guess she's blind, as she doesn't appear to have noticed me yet, her eyes are unfocused, and she has a cane that looks suited for navigation, but not much else. This would also explain why she's here at Yamaku.

I close my book quietly, memorizing what page I'm at and lightly cough, to let her know someone is here without startling her.

Her eyes, while still looking unfocused, seem to acknowledge that someone is there, even if they can't see them.

"Hello?" she asks, her tone cautious and quite. I have to keep myself from chuckling, it may seem weird to other people if she starting talking to someone, which from her point of view, no pun intended, might actually end up being what she's doing.

"Hello to you too, my name is Polk Benjamin, the transfer student. How's it going?" I say this all keeping a friendly tone.

"Oh, hello Benjamin, my name is Satou Lilly. And I'm doing fine. I'm sorry to not have acknowledged your presence, I wasn't aware anyone was sitting here." Her tone seems friendly enough, and her speech is very proper, which is a little odd, as I usually don't converse with others like that, I prefer the more direct method of conversation, but to each their own.

"No problem, it was nice meeting you Lilly, but I should head to class now. See you later." I immediately wish I had worded that last part differently, but I don't hurry to apologize, if she's anything like me, making a big deal of her disability would just get her annoyed.

She doesn't seem to notice, that or she is just good at hiding it. "Farewell." she replies simply.

I grab my crutches, sling my bag over my shoulder, and head out the cafeteria doors, headed for homeroom.

* * *

I walk in the door at around 8:00, 30 minutes early. Hisao and Hanako are still sitting in the back, talking, just like on the first day of school. I nod to them and sit down head to my seat, set my crutches on the wall next to my desk, and sit down. I notice Hisao getting up and making his way over to my seat. I sigh inwardly, getting ready for the inevitable interrogation.

"Are you okay Ben? Why weren't you here yesterday?" He asks, and I'm a little surprised to hear genuine concern in his voice. Why should he care? He's only known me for one day. Maybe he's just one of those guys who cares about everyone he knows, even if he barely knows them. If so, then he is immediately in my good books, for some reason I can't help but feel respect for people like that, as long as they don't baby the person they are concerned about.

"I'm fine, and as for why I wasn't here yesterday, I had a bout with insomnia on the first night here, if I had gone to school yesterday, I would have passed out. I did manage to get sleep around noon yesterday though, so I'm fine." I put on a small smile for emphasis on the fact that I feel fine.

"Okay then, just making sure." He replies, showing a small smile himself before turning around and heading back to his seat to resume his conversation with Hanako. I observe that he holds her hand when he gets back into the conversation with her. Interesting, I had better keep that in mind for future reference.

I crack back open "Brave New World" and manage to finish another chapter before the class is mostly filled and the only one yet to arrive is Mutou, he does appear to be the slacker type. But he doesn't seem like that bad of a guy so far.

I put away the book as the teacher finally enters the room in a tired-looking walk, and as soon as he reaches the board, he grabs a writing utensil and immediately starts his lecture without missing a beat.

He is talking about subatomic particles and things of the like, thankfully I don't seem to have missed much from yesterday, though I will have to ask him for the homework from yesterday, and possibly about where I can get the school wi-fi code, I do miss my Starcraft league matches oh so very much.

The lesson passes fairly quickly and he hands out the assignment. Once he hands it out he sits back down at his desk and pulls out what looks like paperwork. That seems practical, if someone has a question, they go up and ask him, and while he waits for someone to ask him one, he does his own version of homework. I would probably do the same myself if I were in his position.

I notice that Misha and Shizune are looking at me expectantly as Hisao and Hanako drag their desks over to where they're sitting.

"Come one Benchan~!" Misha's voice proclaims, sounding just as energetic and cheerful as always, she also has her by-now-trademark grin to accompany her voice.

"One moment." I say. I grab my crutches and hobble over to Mutou's desk.

"Hey, Mr. Mutou, can I have last night's homework?" He hands me the worksheet without batting an eye, I am surprised he doesn't mention me being absent. "And do you know where I can get the school wi-fi access code?"

"Okay." He says in his by now normal detached manner, and he bends down in his chair, and I assume he opens a drawer in his desk, as I hear something open from behind his desk, then I hear it close, and Mutou comes back up, a slip of paper in hand. "Here you go." he says.

"Thank you." I say as I slip the piece of paper into my pocket, turn around, and head back to Misha and the others, and I notice they had the courtesy to move my desk next to theirs, that helps simplify things.

"Sorry about that," I say as I slip back into my chair, "I had to get last night's homework from Mutou."

"No problem~!" says Misha, though this time I make sure to keep Shizune in my field of vision when Misha responds, to see her reaction and to tell who's talking.

"Shiichan says we should get to work on the assignment now!" continues Misha, or Shizune, I'm a little confused on how I should address when talking to them. That was obviously from Shizune, but Misha was still technically was the one talking, this could get confusing.

To save myself from addressing them in an awkward fashion, I just nod in the general direction of both of them and we all get to work on the homework.

* * *

It is pretty easy, and we finish with about 15 minutes to spare, I look around the classroom and see we are the first ones to do so. Looks we have the group that has a pretty good grasp on the subject. Or at least, me, Shizune, Hisao, and Hanako do, but Misha does have very nice handwriting.

Misha and Shizune start signing to one another, deep in a conversation none of us would have been able to follow, and Hisao and Hanako get involved in their own conversation. I merely look out the window, keeping a blank face, letting my mind wander, but that changes pretty fast.

Hisao says something about Hanako going with him to meet his mom and dad.

Mom, that's a trigger word, that's not good. I feel the pit rising, attempting to break free from its restraints, but I keep it subdued easily. But then Hisao says it again, and then once more. Now the pit is three times stronger, now I have to actively fight against it, wrestle for control. I grit my teeth silently, struggling to maintain my blank expression. Then he says that word again, mom.

_"Dammit!"_ I think in frustration, "the pit is really putting up a fight."

He mentioned the word yet again! Goddammit! The pit is starting to push, to rise to the surface, I can even feel some of the buried hate making its way to the surface.

_"NO!" _I yell at myself mentally. I need something to focus the hate on, it's the only way to get rid of it, something to focus on to subdue the pit. I choose my hand.

I press my fingernails against the palm of my hand, breaking the skin, but I don't let up, I need to suppress the pit! At this point I can feel blood trickling down my hand, the warm liquid making its way down my skin and hitting the floor once it separates itself from me, but it's not enough. I do the same to my other hand, I focus on the pain, try to subdue the pit. It STILL isn't enough! Even when I break the skin and have blood trickling down both of my hands, the pit still advances! At this point, my blank stare is gone, it is now filled with agony. A bead of sweat traverses across my face, and falls off my nose. I have no choice, I have to inflict more pain, I must redirect the hate that has escaped and keep my mind focused on the pain, to keep it off the thought of the trigger word.

As I think this, I feel a hand shake my shoulder. "Benchan? Are you okay?" Comes a voice full of concern, I recognize it as Misha's, but I don't look at her, if I do, then the pit will direct its anger at her, and I can't let it do that.

The pit continues to rise, I need more pain to focus it on, to redirect it. I really have no other choice. I bit on my bottom lip as hard as I can, and blood explodes from it as it splits open, dousing the front of my shirt in my own lifeblood.

"Ben!" I can't tell who it is at this point, my brain has given up hope at deciphering the tone or who the voice belongs to due to the pain. By now there is a sizable pool of blood at my feet, from my hands, which are now missing several layers of skin as blood pours from it, and from my bottom lip as my heart continues to pump blood northwards and into my head.

Of course I haven't lost enough blood at this point to endanger me, or even cause me to faint. So once I feel darkness surround me, I know I am about feint from the pain, not blood loss.

_"But it was worth it,"_ I think, as I fall from my seat to the floor, on course straight into my own pool of blood on the floor. I beat the pit, and I will never let it win, I will never let it rise, I will not let it control me, no matter the cost. I will not let that damnable pit of hate and bitterness win, I will not lose to it. These are my last thought as my head connects with the puddle of my blood.

* * *

NOTE: Before someone mentions how Lilly leaves for Iverness in the cannon, don't worry I have an explanation for that later in the story.


	8. Hippo Campus

Note: I have final exams next week and a few projects I have to finish up, so my time writing will be cut down quite a bit for the next two weeks, enough to still work on the story, just not as much as I would like to

Chapter 8: Hippo campus

It is common belief that when you feint or pass out that you don't dream, you basically go catatonic, and usually that is correct, but not always. What is happening to me right now is a good example, when I my head first hit floor, and creating a small splash in the puddle of my blood, there was just darkness, but then my memories come to forefront, to occupy my mind while the rest of my body recuperates from the pain and damage and pain I wrought on myself. But unfortunately my hippocampus chooses some unpleasent ones, the ones responsible for one of my two known trigger words, the original one.

_It was cold that late, winter afternoon, it was cold and raining, just the way I like it. Cold is good for the brain and rain is relaxing. So relaxing that on occasions it can even overcome insomnia if they visit on the same night. The thing I didn't enjoy was the cold, bitter, dagger-sharp wind that accompanied the sacred rain._

_The city is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, a town I hate, there is nothing here but industry, while I love my technology and fast internet, I would be more than willing to take a hit in those departments in order to move somewhere in the country side, it is very nice out there, especially when it rains.  
_

_I am walking down one of the paths on the private school campus, one of the ones I was at when I had full use of my motor functions, just as I was turning 13. I am heading home after a long day of school, a day consisting of sitting alone at lunch, of sitting in the back of the class room, as far away as possible from others, and a day of presenting a project awkwardly, hoping to finish the presentation as soon as possible. And I can't wait until I can finally leave that hell hole for good._

_I don't bother to get out an umbrella or a raincoat, that would get rid of the pleasant feeling of rain on my skin, I enjoy it enough to take off my almost-always present sweat shirt. The cold doesn't bother me much, I just hate the wind, but I can take that in order to get the full effects of the massage-worthy properties of the rain on my skin._

_Despite the fact I would love to continue to enjoy the great weather, I know if I do I will catch a cold, so I quicken my pace to get home quickly. _

_There are a good amount of people wondering through the streets of Pittsburgh, though not nearly as many as there normally would be if it weren't raining, just another perk of the precipitation. There are neon lights adorning the sides of some of the tall buildings, their many shades of grey light reflecting off of puddles scattered around the pavement as I make my way into the more tightly packed parts of the city. As I get closer to my dwelling, the crowds eventually get denser, and the cars begin to get tightly packed on the road as stoplights refuse to give them passage through their intersections, and allowing others to continue on their journey towards their destination._

_I finally reach the front door, the wind not as bad as it was previously due to other people and buildings blocking much of the wind, reducing its momentum and thus cutting down the effects of the wind-chill factor. I spend a few brief moments fishing my keys from my pocket and swiftly enter them into the locking mechanism, ready to turn them sideways and allow the door to swing open at my touch, only to realize that it is already unlocked._

_I frown at this, neither of my parents' cars are in the driveway, and if they weren't home they never would've left the door unlocked. _

_I open the door and enter the building to see it looks the same as always. From the point when I enter the door, there is a main lobby, leading to the computer room about seven feet to the right and the living room to the left, the computer room has a dull-grey carpet, a black rolling chair, a basic wooden desk, and then finally a quad-core computer, with a headset charging beside the computer. The living room has two couches and then a TV on the opposite side, with a coffee tabling splitting the room into a 1/4-3/4 land division ratio, with the TV ruling over the majority of the room. Once I take the path through the living room, there is the kitchen and dinning room, back-to-back. The dining room has the basic kitchen table with four seats and the kitchen is standard as well, a microwave oven, a toaster, an oven, a sink, a dishwasher, cabinets, fridge/freezer, and pantry. And beyond the kitchen is a hallway leading to the hallway with three bedrooms down it, two being currently occupied, and the third awaiting for the arrival of its new resident._

_It would look exactly like it normally does, except that there is a note on the kitchen table._

_I approach the table and retrieve the note._

_It reads : "Kate is going into labor, get a taxi and be at Allegheny as soon as possible, money for the fare is on the counter."_

_Kate Polk is my mo-...mother. She has light grey eyes and near-pitch-black hair. She stand at about 5'10, and is probably one of the best people I know. She is kind, considerate, and pretty smart. She can be a bit absent minded, but then again so can I. But as we are all humans, we still have our downsides. Despite her normal cheerful personality, she can get into ruts of depression that has lasted as long as half-a-year, that I know of. Mother is also a little thick-headed, dad says that I get that from her. _

_And she has been pregnant for about nine months now, right on schedule._

_I admit, I'm not sure I want a younger sibling, brother if the ultrasound is right. It is a lot of responsibility taking care of a child, and some of that responsibility will be dumped on me as I am the only one home a lot of the time. And I am not really highly anticipating the splitting headaches that will undoubtedly come from the tantrums that are certain to come._

_Following the note's instructions, I head back into the small storm, and into the ferocious wind, to flag down a taxi and head to Allegheny General Hospital to meet my parents there, and potentially my new brother within the next 24 hours._

**************************************************************************************************************************************What happened there at that dammed hospital was anything but a touching, happy moment that is so often portrayed in movies and other forms of media when it comes to child birth. There was no doctor telling mother to "push", there was no shining, golden baby that came out of my mother's womb, already clean. What happened there is something my mind refuses to allow my hippo campus drag to the surface, but not everything can be held back, and one memory manages to weed its way through my mind's defenses, and to the forefront of my sleeping mind.

"If everything that happens is just part of some god's divine, cosmic plan,"_ I think to myself in my room, _"than this god isn't some being to be worshiped, it is something to be hated in the highest possible regards, but for some reason I can't bring myself to do that despite what has happened. I just watched my brother fucking die before he even had a chance to open his eyes, to meet his parents, just die, that's all he did in his short life. Die before having a chance to even formulate one single goddamn thought. Yet I'm not angry at this so-called savior. Why? Do I feel grief for the death my brother that lived for about three minutes? Yes, I do. But no anger at what has happened, or hate. No, the anger is there, just suppressed, but the hate isn't suppressed, because it isn't there, what he hell is wrong with me?" _I got no sleep that night, and the cause wasn't insomnia._

***************************************************************************************************************************************At this point, my mind won't allow a single detail about what I found when I came back from school to find at home two weeks after my brothers death, but it can't keep one image from entering my mind.

The image of my mother's bloody form, the head having two sizable holes in each side, one larger than the other. Her grey matter splattered against the walls and floor, pieces of her skull scattered around randomly, there because of the sheer power a point-blank .44 revolver hallow point round contains. Her once bright and lively eyes, eyes that have recently been filled with nothing but despair and grief, now empty, lifeless. And her hand still clinging the weapon that took her life.

The shock and pain from the event nearly drove dad and I over the edge too, almost, but we stayed strong we aren't about to make the same mistake as mother did, we aren't about to end our lives over one of the world's trials and tribulations, we are stronger then that.

But a few years later, when I turned 15, I felt something other than happy memories and grief when I thought about mother, I felt anger, anger that she would abandon me and dad and take the easy way out of life, all over some bump in the road. Yes, it was a rather large bump, but a bump none-the-less, it would end eventually. But she couldn't take it, so she left us. I suppressed the anger and that's when I figured it out, the term "mom" was a trigger word, it was the first, but not the last.


	9. Recovery

Chapter 9: Recovery

After relieving those memories I try so hard suppress, I open my eyes with some difficulty and find myself in a bed with soft, cotton sheets.

The room is obviously one similar to that of a doctor's office, though not quite up to hospital standards, which means I'm at the school infirmary. I suppose it make sense, I may have feinted from extreme pain, but I didn't exactly have the gravest of injuries or severe blood loss. The room is pretty standard for a clinic, unimposing white walls, with plain white, tiled floors, with the usual desk with a computer that looks straight out of the 90's and a variety of drawers with labels detailing their contents stuck to them. Yup, pretty standard.

The pit is settled, apparently exhausted after its assault. The event that transpired before I lost consciousnesses suddenly comes back, and I wonder at its repercussions. Newton's third law of physics states the every action has an equal but opposite reaction, and over the years I have found that it applies to more than just the laws of physics, every time you make a decision, no matter how small it is, it will have an impact, similar to the butterfly affect in a way. And the repercussions for my lapse of strength in my barriers could be dire. After people seeing my harm myself, for seemingly no reason at all, will definitely alienate people, and the event will certainly be the center of gossip for at least a week, if the people in Japan are anything like those in the U.S., and I'm willing to bet they are. And I doubt the repercussions will be just social in nature. I will probably be assigned to a therapist or maybe hauled off to some padded room in a straight jacket, the latter is probably just my imagination, but it is definitely a possibility, no matter how low the chances are.

There appear to be no shackles or tubes attached to me, so I try and sit up, and find that I feel a little sore, but it's not too bad. I am wearing a patient gown, free of blood, and I definitely am not fond of it, it is very...breezy.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." Comes a cheerful voice. I turn towards the source and notice a middle aged guy with dark hair and has eyes and a smile that resemble a fox. He has uniform on that quickly marks him as part of the medical staff, and I assume the nurse, despite the stereotype of nurses only being females, I am aware of a rising percentage of male nurses, so it really doesn't surprise me that much.

"Hello Mr...?" I trail off, wanting to draw his name out of him.

"Nurse, just nurse." He says it without his smile wavering, he goes by nurse, no first or last name given, how cryptic.

"Hello, nurse, and thank you for the welcome back. How long have I been out?" I'd guess at least a day, as my lip is starting to heal some, which usually takes three to five days to heal completely.

"One day and about, say, five or so hours, if I remember correctly." Nurse's smile is still there, even when telling me how long I have been out cold.

"And how much longer until I can leave?" I already know his answer, until I recover enough to operate one my own, or at least, as much as I can function on my own with one leg, which could take a few days.

To my surprise, his smile actually wavers some, "You'll have to wait until you can go about your day as you could previously. I have to make sure you didn't rip off your own hands." His answer is what I expected, his feeble attempt at humor, however is a little unsettling. A nurse at a school specifically for the disabled, cracking a joke about ripping you own hands off, no matter how terrible it was, seems pretty out of place.

"Very well than." I'm a little frustrated that I have to stay here for a few days, and no to mention that the pit has already asserted its will when it is only the third day of school, and the second I was there.

"Get some shut eye, alright?" With that he walks out the door. I hope he brings me some lunch later, I will probably get hungry soon enough.

I wake up to hear some knocking on the infirmary door, and the door swings open before I answer, whoever it was just letting me know someone was coming in, not asking for permission to enter, not that I had any authority to give said permission.

"Hello, Ben," it's the nurse, entering the room with his ever present smile "I brought you dinner," I notice that he has a tray in his hand, the other one is his pocket, why he would carry a try of hot food with one hand is beyond me, "and you have two guests."

I crane my neck to look past him and see two familiar figures standing in the door way, Kenji and Hisao.

"Sup man?" that was Kenji, his voice somehow managing to be cheerful despite the circumstances.

"Hey, Ben." and that was Hisao, his eyes show that he is a little shaken, not surprising since he saw me cause much bodily harm to myself in the middle of class.

"Hello, Kenji, Hisao," I say nodding to each one as I address them, my bottom lip which is still in the process of sowing itself back together, garbbles my words a little bit, "thank you for visiting."

"No problem bro, but you need to eat, get your strength back." says Kenji, his smile being replaced by a frown.

So I eat the simple plate of rice they brought me, it tastes bland, not that I really care too much, I'm just glad they brought something to eat. As I am eating, I notice for the first time that nurse slipped out of the room without me noticing, he is a sneaky one.

Just as I am finishing up, I notice Kenji and Hisao are in a conversation, or sorts.

"Dude, I tell you, scar face is dangerous, you have to be careful around her, I'm sure fire is her specialty, so always have an escape route anywhere you go with her that can protect you from the smoke."

Hisao visibly grits his teeth, "For the last time Kenji, she is NOT part of any feminist conspiracy!"

"Just be careful, okay bro?" Kenji obviously doubts Hisao's reassurances.

I cough a little, letting them know I know that I have finished, and to save Hisao from more of Kenji's rants. "Thanks for coming to visit guys." I say, not just out of courtesy, but out of real gratitude. It's kind of relieving that someone would visit despite me only being here for few days, even if they were only visiting out of curiosity.

"No problem man, us men have to look out for each other, right?" Kenji may seem to be a little crazy and possibly could have skewered me on the first day with his umbrella, but he really did seem to have my back.

Hisao says nothing, and once again, I'm not surprised. He saw what happened first hand, I imagine he still can't wrap his head around it, someone tearing their nails into the flesh of their hands to the point where they were almost ripping off their own inner tissue? And busting their own lip, both in the middle of class? That's probably unheard of.

"But, why did you do it? I heard about what happened from...a source." Kenji continues. Dammit Kenji, why'd you have to bring it up so soon?

This "source" is undoubtedly Hisao. And how do I put what happened to words? I can't tell anyone about the pit, it is something I must deal with on my own, if I can't deal with my own problems, then that mean I am weak, and weakness starts that dammed cycle. Even if I were to tell them about the pit, would they understand? No, they wouldn't. I must not tell anyone about the pit, that isn't a viable option.

"I'd rather not talk about that, it's a personal problem." I say this without any trace of doubt in my voice, my face impassive, it was true enough.

Kenji gives a shrug, letting me be. Hisao, however looks frustrated, I guess he wanted to know my reasoning, but doesn't want to try and pressure me into telling him, I doubt doing things like that aren't exactly in his nature. That's a relief, it will save me a headache or two.

"And I appreciate it if you guys were to let me rest for a while, thank you for visiting." My tone, while friendly, also tells them to back off.

After Kenji's over-friendly goodbye and Hisao's half-hearted one, they leave, and I go to sleep, my mind going over the exchange, it definitely could have gone better, and could have gone worse.

No one visited the next two days, and my lip had mostly healed during that time and my hands had regained enough strength to support me on my crutches, so nurse turned me loose after a few more odd jokes and actual comments that were somewhat relevant.

It's about 2pm, there are only two more hours of school and then I have tomorrow off, it's kind of pathetic that I only have one complete day in six days of school, and I really don't want to head right back into classes, so I choose to go the gutair room instead, I yearned for my dear gutair so very much back in the infirmary.

I make my way there, my leg and arms a little wobbly after several days in bed, and encounter only one person in the hall, who ignores me, and I respond in a likewise manner.

I arrive at the room and sit down and just sit there for an hour, doing nothing, just resting my mind wandering and thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

I check my watch, it read 3:30 pm, only 30 more minutes until everyone gets out of class, and then I remember why I came in here in the first place.

I set up my gutair and amp, and find myself strumming "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day.

The song's intro is mainly played on acoustic, so to get it as accurate as possible, I flip off the distortion option and begin the song, it isn't as authentic, but it is as close as I can get it without my acoustic at the ready.

"Summer has come and past, the innocent can never last. Wake me up, when September ends." I sing the opening lines of the song, in English, and am immediately lost in the music, not even one thought crosses my mind as I play the gutair and sing, nothing else matters as I play.

By the time 4:20 rolls by, I am ready to start the last song before I head back to my dormitory for the rest of the night. I contemplate what I should play for a moment.

I really don't want to end it on a heavy-hearted note, but neither do I feel like playing something necessarily light-hearted either, so I settle on a happy medium.

"He's a stranger to some and a vision to none. He can never get enough, get enough of the one, for the fortune queen, but it's hard to amend. How it ends and begins. On his face is a map of the world." I sing after strumming the first 30 seconds or so of gutair and begin to play "From Yesterday" crafted by 30 Seconds to Mars, in English of course.

I continue the song, once again getting lost in the lyrics and chords, not caring if anyone hears me.

As I am warping up the song I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, at least for a moment before I hear a pair of hands clapping softly.

I give a small groan as I sit back up and open my eyes to see the intruder. I quickly recognize Lilly, what with her European facial structure and cane, but I'm a little curious why she came in, even if she heard the music.

"I'm sorry for dropping in without invitation, but I heard the music and came to investigate, I hope I didn't interrupt...?" the tone and trailing off of her voice at the end means that she would like to know who she's talking to.

"It's Ben, and no problem." I reply.

She looks a little surprised, I'd guess that she heard about what happened at class on Wednesday, but she doesn't mention it, which I am grateful for. "That song was nice, the lyrics were in English, correct?"

I could think of why she would think so, with me being from America and all that jazz, and it was obviously not in Japanese. "Yes, it was sung and written in English." I confirm.

"I thought as much, and if you don't mind me asking, what song was that?" She asks.

"From Yesterday, the band is 30 Seconds to Mars, if you want to know who they are." I answer.

A thought comes across my mind and I decide to test it for a moment: "Do you speak English?" I ask in my native language.

"Yes, I do, how did you guess?" she replies fluently.

"It was an educated guess is all." I say, once again switching to Japanese, it really was a random theory and guess on my part, but it looks as if it is true.

"Well, it was nice talking, but I'll get out of your way now." I continue. I grab my crutches, turn off my amp, grab my bag, and just as I start to head out the door, "Would you like to have some tea with us?" comes Lilly's voice.

I raise an eyebrow as I turn around to face her, "Us?" I question.

"Us, but only if Hisao and Hanako are there at the moment, if not then just you and I." she elaborates.

"Sure, I don't see why not."

Lilly gives a small smile, "Please follow me." fall into line behind her after she exits the room, and we quietly make our way down the bland hallways, only broken by the tapping of Lilly's cane and my crutches meeting the ground.

After a short walk down the hallway and a few turns here and there, and we arrive at...the chess club.

"The chess club?" I question, eyebrow raised in surprise and curiosity.

"Yes, Hanako, me, and Hisao, are the school's chess club, but we are one person short of being able to compete in competitions." She turns to the direction of my voice and gives a small smile "Don't worry, we won't try and pressure you into the club like I'm sure Shizune and Misha have tried to do to you regarding the student council."

Now I'm a little surprised, Hisao is in the chess club, who would've thought? He didn't seem like a strategy game kind of guy, and neither did Hanako, maybe a game or two could remove the awkwardness of what happened a few days ago. I'm also pretty surprised that Lilly knows about Shizune's efforts to get me into the council. I'd guess Shizune has already tried the same thing more than once, I wouldn't be surprised.

I smile myself, and it's genuine, I guess the repercussions for the pit's uprising could be rectified. "They have, and I might join at some point, if that's okay with the three of you."

"We'll see about that." Is all she says before she opens the door and lets me into the room, I realize what she said about "We'll see about that", I guess she doesn't mind things like that being said around her, just as I don't care if someone mentions colour around me, I have never had the ability to see it, so I can never miss it.

Inside the room is one table with four chairs off to the right of the room, in front of a window that lets light from the sun in. On the opposite side of the room is what looks like a counter for cooking as there is a small oven, microwave, sink, and coffee/tea maker. I also notice two of the chairs are occupied by non other than Hisao Nakai and Hanako Ikezawa.

They both hear the door creak open and look up, and seem surprised to see me standing in the door frame, out and about.

I smile a little and raise one hand in greeting, my hand stretching out fully with a little difficulty due to the bandages on them, "Hello, Hisao, Hanako, nurse let me out today a few hours ago."

"That explains why you're here, to an extent. But, uh, how did you come across Lilly?" He asks, his curiosity piqued.

"It's more like I found him," interrupts Lilly before I get a chance to speak, "I heard him playing gutair and singing in a room not too far from here and found him in there playing a song."

As I nod in confirmation, Hisao looks at me curiously, "Singing?" he says a little awkwardly, "That's something I wouldn't have expected." Hanako nods in agreement.

I laugh at this, laugh hard. I had gotten that reaction so often that I consider it hilarious at this point. They look at me oddly as I recover, a little breathless, and still chuckling a little.

"If I had a 100 yen for every time I heard that, I'd be rich by now." I say, modifying the saying a little to make sense to them, I doubt they know what an US dollar is worth.

Hanako smiles a little, "You get that often?"

I chuckle a little, "All the time."

Hisao now looks very curious, "Can you play in front of me and Hanako some time?"

Personally, I hate playing in front of people, but refusing would be rude and unfriendly, so I agree to it despite thinking to myself to try and avoid that.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll go make us some tea." Lilly says, and heads over the the kitchen portion of the room. I almost ask something about how she will make tea as she is blind, but Hisao and Hanako make no move to stop her, so I let her go without questioning her.

I take the empty seat next to Hisao who is sitting right across from Hanako, as they engage in a conversation. I just lean back in the chair, and listen to their conversation, and I can't help but think this is just like when the pit broke out a few days ago, they are talking and I am listening, it is a similar set up, and it unnerves me a little. The thought is pushed out of my mind as Lilly arrives with the tea.

We drink it quietly, seems as if none of us like talking while drinking or eating, I know I don't. The tea is actually quite good, I have always loved tea and I expected this to be average, but it definitely lives up to my standards.

After thanking them for the tea and after about a half-hour of small talk, I excuse myself and go to my dorm, where I flop down on my bed, crack open a book, and do nothing else until I fall asleep to the soft patter of rain outside.

Stupid projects, that took a lot longer to write than I originally thought it would.


	10. Rain

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone.

Chapter 10: Rain

I open my eyes to the faint light of my alarm clock greeting my eyes. I take notice of the time, 6:00 AM, I don't mind waking up this early, in fact, it is pretty normal for me, I've always been an early riser, and I notice that there is a slight patter on coming from the window, the patter of rain.

I sit up in bed and stretch, the stub of my leg brushing the comforter still feels odd, and I get annoyed with myself for allowing it to bother me, I can't do anything about it, so why bother myself about it? How ironic is it that I can't follow my own advice? I let the past bother me almost every day, it is incredibly frustrating.

I get up and go across the room on one foot, not requiring crutches for a small trip, and grab an new pair of clothes, listening to the soothing rhythm induced by the calming precipitation throwing itself at the window of my room, and I can't help but let a small smile show itself on my features, I truly do love rain and the cold it ushers along with it.

I hobble across the hall and twist the knob of the bathroom door to gain entrance to the faculties, and thankfully no one is in there, and hopefully Kenji won't barge in again.

I head across the tiled floors and turn the knobs of the bath, allowing the water to flow from the faucet and into the waiting tub.

As the tub fills to the brim with cold water, I set my clean clothes on the sink counter and strip out of my current ones, still with a little difficulty, as I am still not used to changing while balancing on only one leg.

I quickly bathe and throw on my clothes, ready to start the day with a few songs on my acoustic and then take a walk through the rain, I just hope the downpour lasts long enough for me to enjoy it.

I exit the bathroom and head into my room, where I deposit my worn clothes in the closet with another pair of clothes that need washed. I am wearing something more casual than the school uniform as there is no school today, just a pure black T-shirt, cargo jeans, Tennis shoes, and a dark grey sweat jacket. I pick up my gutair and position myself on the bed, getting comfortable and ready to play, my leg starting to hurt from hopping place-to-place.

I briefly consider what to play, what was I in the mood for? Something somber, but not really depressing, something inspiring but not really upbeat. Sort of like rain, relaxing and somber, but at the same time being a somewhat inspiring. That settles it, I know what to play.

I position my all of my fingers, other than my thumb, on the appropriate areas of the gutair, hovering over the strings, ready to strum the chords I desire.

After playing a handful of songs, I look out the window and notice it is still raining. Good, I didn't spend too much time on the gutair and miss out on a walk through the rainfall.

I put the gutair back to where it was previously, I grab my crutches and lean into them, giving my leg a rest from it having to support me on its own as the crutches, my arms and shoulders take the burden of supporting my weight.

I swing my arms forward with every step, bringing myself closer to the exit of the dormitories, closer to the promised rain. As I go through the bland, unimaginative halls, I only run into a two of people, there are only this many due to the fact it is only 6:30 AM, most people will still be enjoying their sleep right now, but I don't mind getting up early, and the enticing opportunity to enjoy the morning rain and chill easily drew me out of my slumber.

I reach the doors and give a slight, awkward push, to open it, and am welcomed by the sound of the gentle rain. I step outside the cover of the building and feel the morning chill as well as the touch of soft, newly-fallen water on my skin. It is truly relaxing. I start my walk, briskly making my way down the paved path, through the school grounds.

I keep going for about ten minutes when I see the track, I actually haven't been there yet and am a little curious as to what is there. I expect nothing other than a track, small stadium, and more than likely a storage shed or something similar, but it is always best to thoroughly survey the area you are in, so I shift my course in the direction of the track.

As I approach the track field, I notice a small blur moving along the track. Was someone running this early, in the rain no less? It doesn't make much sense, but then again I am walking through the cold and rain because I enjoy it, maybe whoever it is has the same thought as me.

I arrive at the track and once the blur gets closer to me on the current lap it is on, I can make out details. It is definitely human, although the legs do have a very odd shape. I can make out two pig-tails and a body of small build, but that is about it.

I stand still and watch as the blur stops in front of me, going from abnormally high speeds to a complete stop in an unusually short amount of time. But she, as I can see it is a she, doesn't appear to be breathing heavily, and I can't tell if there is sweat on her, due to the pouring rain. I can see now she has large, dark grey eyes and light-coloured hair, she appears to be wearing a short-sleeved shirt and a very small pair of shorts, not exactly the best clothes for cold, rainy weather. But what catches my eye the most are the prosthetic legs. Her legs below the knee are replaced by plastic and metal, made for running judging from their design. I can't help but feel a brief pang of jealousy at the artificial legs, she still had far more motor abilities than I, and she lost both of her legs. That jealousy is immediately replaced by guilt for thinking something like that, but that too is shoved out of the way.

She comes up with a slight grin on her face, eyes clearly alight with energy despite the rain casting a static-mesh-like effect on her face and the darkness of the early morning.

"Hi there! I didn't expect anyone to show up this early, are you here to run?" She asks.

I am dumbfounded by her words. Run? Didn't she notice my crutches? "Uhh, no, I can't exactly run..." I trail off awkwardly, not sure how to respond.

She frowns for a moment, then apparently sees my crutches for the first time, and her face darkens in color, blushing. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't notice." She apologizes hastily, still looking embarrassed.

I actually chuckle some at her expense, "It's fine, I forgive you, though if you don't mind me asking, why are you running in the rain with those on?" I motion towards her running clothes, which you would only see on warm, rain-less days.

"These?" She asks, looking confused for a moment before noticing what she is actually wearing, "I didn't notice, I was too busy running."

I almost question her about why she would just go running in whatever she is wearing, but decide against it. It really isn't my business.

"Do you do this every morning? Alone?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Yes, I do this every morning, I need to keep up my girly figure you know?" After she says this, she winks in a playful manor, "Hisao usually runs with me though, if you know him. But I guess he can't stand the rain," Her grin widens some, "I'll need to punish him for that!" I can't help but smile a little, she is definitely a friendly person.

"Well, don't let me interrupt you, go back to your running." I say.

"I will, but before you go, my name is Ibarazaki Emi, yours?"

I almost hesitate, not sure if I want to go throwing my name around just yet, it has only been a few days since my lapse in strength to the pit. But I decide to give it anyway, it's common courtesy, especially if that person gives you their name, "It's Polk Benjamin, Ben for short."

Her eyes widen some at the revelation of my name, damn it seems as if she got word of what happened, not that I'm surprised. She recovers quickly and her smile holds true again, "By Ben! I'll see you later!" She calls over her shoulder as she blasts off down the track again at lightning speeds.

I turn around and leave the track, heading back towards the dorms, I've had enough of the rain for now, the soaking cold rain was starting to soak through my clothes. I can't help but wonder at Emi, she is running around the track at 7:00 in the morning and in clothes that aren't at all suited for the weather, and the fact she can run so fast with her prosthetics, though I suppose in one way or another, they actually help her improve her running speed.

I arrive at the door to the dormitories and am a little reluctant to go in, as much as I like not having a cold, I also want to continue to enjoy the weather. I decide that I don't really have much to do in my room anyway, so I just head to the main building, going back to the gutair room, getting to enjoy a few more minutes of the rain in the process.

I make my way through the halls and eventually end up where I want to, and enter. The gutair and amp are still there, remaining as pristine as ever. I sit down and wait a little while, I need to let me dry off some so I can play without the risk of electrocuting myself.

Once I seem dry enough, I pick up the gutair plug it in and start playing.

About an hour later I stop and put the gutair up, having my fill for now.

I peel myself out of the seat with my crutches and stand up, ready to depart. I head to the door and open it, and without really thinking about it, head towards the chess room, partially because I have nothing else to do, and partially because I hope Hisao, Lilly, or Hanako are in there.

It takes me a moment to remember which direction it is when I come to a crossroads, but I generally am pretty good at remembering paths and directions, so the hesitation doesn't last long before I am off again.

The sound of rain is still present and continues to relax me, letting my usually active and buzzing mind wind down for a bit, and the only thing that interrupts the calming drops of precipitation are a few sounds making their way through the halls from different areas of the school and the sound of my crutches' impact against the tiled floor.

After a minute or two I find myself in front of the door labeled "Chess Club". Once in front of the door, I knock on the door and moment comes a few seconds later.

"Come in." The voice was composed, dainty, and calm, it is easily recognized as Lilly's.

I apply pressure to the door and it creaks slightly on its un-oiled hinges as it opens, and I am greeted by the sight of Lilly sitting straight-backed in the same chair she sat in yesterday, with a glass of what I believe is tea sitting in front of her, I know it has at least some in it as steam is still rising from it, but that is it, there isn't anyone else in the room.

"Hello, Lilly, it's Ben, I hope I'm not interrupting." I say, greeting her.

"Oh, hello Ben, no, you aren't interupting anything important, would you like some tea?" She replies.

I almost take up her offer, but reasoning tells me that she just brewed some, as her cup is still steaming, and I don't want to inconvenience her by having her make tea right after she just made some, "No thank you, I'm fine for now."

"Very well than." She replies, and then gestures toward the general direction of the chair in front of her, "please, sit down."

That offer, I do take her up on and sit down into the rigid, yet somehow comfortable chair.

"I never got around to asking you this, but how are you settling in here at Yamaku?" Lilly questions.

I seriously take the question into consideration, it could be a loaded one, possibly a way to lead her into inquiring about what happened on Wednesday, but it doesn't seem to suit her personality, so I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt, "Other than what happened earlier this week, which I'm pretty sure you've heard about, I'm fine, for the most part."

She doesn't press the issue, so I assume I was correct on guessing prying wasn't a big factor in her nature.

"That's good, and, if you don't mind me asking, why did you come here, to this room?" She sounds somewhat curious, and after me dropping in uninvited, she has a right to be.

I shrug before I realize the action would go unnoticed, "I came on a whim, I decided to see if anyone was here, and possibly if I could sign up for the chess club here." The last part comes out without me thinking first, but my mind doesn't object to it, I haven't played chess in ages, and I do miss it.

"Unfortunately I'm the only one here at this time, I imagine Hisao and Hanako and Hisao are doing something together, those two are piratically inseparable," I notice her smile drops a notch for about a half-second before regaining it's previous shine, but long enough for me to notice its lack of polish for a moment, if I had to guess, I'd say she feels like a bit of a third wheel in the group, it seems reasonable as Hisao and Hanako are obviously going out, "If you want to join the chess club, then I will have to asses your skills first, in other words, play a game with you, you don't have to win, just do well enough." I wonder for the first time just how she plays chess, probably the same way she does everything else in life, use senses other than sight, though that may be difficult with a game such as chess. "Can you get the board please? I believe it is in the shelf to the far right of the sink."

"Okay," is all I say as I go to retrieve the board from the location she mentioned. I open up the mentioned cabinet and sure enough, it is there. I pick it up and bring it over to the table in it's traditional, wooden case.

I put it down on the table between the two of us,"Here it is," I say, sitting down and opening up the case. Lilly nods in acknowledgement as the case soundlessly opens, apparently its hinges have been well-oiled unlike the door to the room. I pull the board out and it is a standard one, but the pieces look a little different. I can still see what they are, but they have small deformities here and there, mostly just on the top of the figures. I make the connection that each figure type has their own bumps and ridges on the top, pawns having their own, bishops having their own, etc..., that seems to be how blind people can play chess and tell piece from piece.

I set up the board for the both of us and let her go first as she has the white pieces and I have the black ones, white always goes first.

The game goes on for about fifteen minutes before I have one bishop, three pawns, both knights, my queen, and my king left, meanwhile Lilly only has her king and two pawns left. Her dainty fingers feel around the board, looking for a way out of my trap, despite the fact I will eventually get her king with my superior numbers and higher-grade pieces, but she smiles in defeat realizing there is no way out of my checkmate. "That was a good game." She says, her tone friendly. She seems to take defeat in stride, I'm glad, I've played against my fair share of sore losers in the game before.

"Good game." I reply, my tone similar to hers, giving the game-ending phrase used in almost any medium of entertainment, but they weren't just out of unofficial protocol, she was a good chess player, and I did enjoy that, I haven't played against a decent player in a long time.

Just as I am putting the board and pieces back into the box, "Welcome to the club," comes Lilly's ever pleasant voice, "but don't get too overconfident, I'm the worst in the group, Hisao and Hanako are both far better than I am."

I smile at the prospect of a good challenge, "Thank you for the welcome, and I'll try and keep myself from getting cocky." actual enthusiasm making its way into my voice for the first time in what felt like years, and probably actually has been years.


	11. Further

Chapter 11: Further

I wake up like I always do, open eyes, try to sleep for a few minutes before resigning to the fact I won't be getting back to sleep, showering, play a few songs, and then leave. But while my morning is nothing new, the day will likely be interesting, it is Monday, and there are three things I'll have to address. First off, I have to get ready for barrage of un-dodge-able questions that will assault me when I get back, there is no doubt of that, but then again there is the possibility of every one ignoring me, trying to shove what they saw happen to the back of their minds and stay away from me at all costs. Either way will be annoying, but I'm not that worried about that. But what I will have to worry about is Shizune and Misha, something tells me that they won't give up on trying to get me to work for the council so easily, even after Wednesday's episode, and how will I say no? They will definitely give me hell for joining the chess club, even though I have no idea why they seem so dead-set on ignoring it or dismissing it so much, but then again, they may choose to ignore me like so many other classmates undoubtedly will. And the last thing is a chess meeting after school, Hisao and Hanako will be there, so I won't be alone with Lilly again. It doesn't make much of a difference to me, it may even be a good thing, while I did like talking to her, it did get awkward at some points, I am far from being a people person, usually preferring isolation, so this is all a little new to me.

I think all of this as I approach homeroom, choosing to skip breakfast, it may be the most important meal of the day, but I'm not hungry. I let most of my mind think about various things, just as I always do when there isn't something major to focus on. I get to homeroom and open the door, and find that no one except Hisao is in there. I give a small greeting and head to my seat, the pinging of my crutches interrupting the enveloping silence of the room before I had entered. I arrive at my seat, gingerly letting myself down, not in any rush. I open up a book and kill some time until the period starts.

The room slowly fills with people, some trying to ignore me, but failing, some succeeding, but most just look at me for a moment, eyes filled with either fear, or surprise, I figure many of them thought I'd be out longer or be shipped off to some insane asylum.

As I think for a moment, I realize that Nurse never told me I would have to see a therapist, why? I had thought that I would have to see one no matter what else happened, but I didn't. Why would he let me get off without scheduling an appointment, or anything? It doesn't make any sense. I run several theories through my head, but none seem to make any sense, why? I swear, this mystery will be the death of me.

I am so engrossed in my internal debate, I almost don't notice it when Mutou starts his lecture. It is on the subject of subatomic particles and things of that nature. For the most part, everyone either seems to be confused or not paying attention, I personally find a medium between listening and thinking. I soak in every word he says, but in the brief periods between his rants, my mind manages to get one or two thoughts in, usually in the form of possible scenarios for whatever may happen today or in the future, ranging from absurd to plausible, to horrible to as close to ideal as possible, but they are usually fleeting and I cannot really consider how ideal or absurd they are in-depth.

Eventually Mutou's lengthy rant ends and he passes out the homework for the day, as individual work. I am a little relieved at that, I am hoping to avoid being in a group as much as possible until everyone is ready to stand me being in their midst again.

I finish with a few minutes to spare and resume my randomly thought of theories and predictions, debunking them all as unlikely or giving them some merit, but this time they are not about what will happen in these coming days, but more on anything that happens to cross my mind, from conspiracies to math equations, from death to life. It is unrestrained and unfiltered, just as my thought always are like.

The minutes pass quickly until the bell rings. Once it breaks the quiet of the room, the room seems to give a collective sigh of relief, me excluded, and quickly filter out of the room. I get up in no hurry, It is just lunch, nothing to get too excited about. I put my things in my bag, sling it over my shoulder, and hoist myself back on my crutches. I start to head out the door, but am intercepted by Misha and Shizune, how did I not notice them? They are sneakier than I had given them credit for.

Misha beams while Shizune remains business faced, "Hi there Benchan~! Haven't seen you in awhile." Her voice is just as boisterous as usual, although there is an edge to it, unbeknownst by herself, she apparently isn't as at ease talking to me as she is letting on, I'm not surprised in the least.

"Yes it has..." I say musingly.

"I hope you haven't gone and gotten yourself into more trouble since then?" she says this in a questioning but also declarative way, as if decided for herself I haven't, but still asking.

I think about the chess club and mutter under my breath almost inaudibly, "I hope not."

"What was that?" she asks, I'm glad she missed it.

"Nothing important. How have you two been doing?"

Misha appears to give up on trying to figure out what I said, she looks to Shizune for a moment to read her signs, and then turn back to me, continuing to sign everything said back to Shizune, "Shiichan and I have been busy preparing for the elections, but we're the only ones running! I think they don't want to have to face up against us~! After all what chance do they have?" She throws her head back and gives out a mighty "WAHAHAHAH~!"

I don't think I can get used to that laugh, or more likely just not for awhile. "Yeah, seems like it to me." I suddenly have an idea, something that could get me out of the council without having to admit to joining the chess club. "Speaking of the elections, I don't think me joining the council would be a good idea." I say, purposely leaving them on a cliffhanger response to pique their interest.

Misha looks a little surprised, and once Shizune hears (sees?) about that, she raises one of her eyebrows in a questioning way.

"Why do you say that?" Misha questions.

"After what happened last week," Misha winces a little, but Shizune is unfazed when Misha signs this to Shizune, "with me running with you two, I don't think your chances of getting elected will skyrocket much, actually, it will probably drop."

Misha sees the flaw in my suggestion that I know was there, but hoped they wouldn't pick up on, "but you don't have to run with us, just work with us once we win, and there still isn't any opposition, and the elections are next week." Game over for me, she hit me right where it hurts, in the smack-dab middle of my flawed argument. I can't get too disappointed, I knew the chances of that working were low.

"I know." I say in a resigned manner.

"Then why did you bring it up?" Misha isn't signing when she said that, and the previous statement, when I think about it, so I'm talking to Shizune right now.

"No reason." I say, knowing full well that they knew why, or at least Shizune does, not much seems to get by her.

"But enough of small talk! The time for you decision has come!" says Misha in a cheerful tone, not matching the words with her tone well, and the words are, once again, Shizune's. "Would you like to join the student council?"

I inwardly sigh, the reckoning has come, "I'm, uh...already sort of in a club..." I say a little awkwardly.

Misha seems a little caught off guard, but Shizune gets a twinkle in her eye, as if the thought of a challenge is getting her excited. Shizune pushes up her glasses and begins to sign.

Misha begins translating with ease that will never cease impress me, "What club is it? And do you seriously think that being a club means you can't help us with the work?"

I ignore the first question, I'm trying to avoid mentioning the chess club, "I still have obligations other than the club, such as school projects, and more personal stuff." The argument is weak, but chess club is already going to cut into my guitar, reading, and video game time, I don't want to lose any more.

"And you can't take some time off from your so very busy schedule to help us then?" Shizune puts her hands on her hips, looking ecstatic by this debate, if you could call it that.

"So I'm a workhorse for you two? I am offended." I say in mock horror,

Thankfully Shizune seems to realize that I meant it in jest, as she gives a smile and signs once again to Misha, who dutifully translates, "You'll have some influence. But let's go to the lunch room for now, we are going to miss the entire lunch break if we do~!"

"Sounds like a plan," I reply, using the phrase my dad often makes use of.

We head to the cafeteria and along the way Misha and Shizune sign back and forth animatedly, having a silent conversation I could never keep track of, with me being illiterate in the ways of sign language.

We get to the cafeteria in a minute or two, the room is packed with students, most of whom are eagerly tucking into their bland meals. I order a plate of rice and nothing else, I'm not too hungry and rice is probably the best thing I have had so far here, so I just go with that. Misha carries hers and Shizune's as we make out way to a few empty seats at a table near the back wall. We all eat quickly, me because I didn't have much, and they eat quickly to get on with the conversation from earlier.

Once we all are finished and leave our plates empty, except for Shizune's, who still has the majority, if not all of it, left, they look at me and I mentally prepare for their renewed assault.

"Well Benchan, we need an answer!" Misha says up-beatly.

That was...straight forward. They didn't even beat around the bush, or anything? Well, this may make things easier, who am I kidding? These two won't give up that easy.

"I'd rather not join." I say, opting to keep it straight forward as well.

"How about we settle it with a game?" Misha says, beaming.

"What?"

"A game! Like paper football, you play that in America, right?" her voice is brimming with energy and cheerfulness.

"I hate that game." I reply evenly, I do hate it, it is pointless and requires little thought to it, it is a game of luck and wrist movement, neither being my forte.

Her smile remains as wide as ever, "How about Monopoly?"

"No, that is almost completely luck based, and I'm not about to bet my future here on a board game, especially when the odds are stacked in your favour with two against one."

"What about Risk? One-on-one between you and Shiichan?"

Risk, I haven't played that in awhile, I really like the game, although not as much as chess.

"I'm fine with that, as long as there are no strings attached." I say, hoping they will say yes, now that it has been mentioned, I have an urge to play Risk.

Misha relays those word to Shizune and they engage in a frantic conversation with their hands, probably discussing whether or not to agree to it.

After about half-a-minute of debate, they turn to face me and Misha beams, "Shiichan says 'yes'. Meet us in the rotunda after school."

I go over my schedule in my head, school ends at four, and the chess meeting is at six, that leaves a two hour window of time for a game of risk and any other shenanigans these two have in store. I can do that. I agree and we head our separate ways and finish the rest of our classes.

I don't really know anyone else in my classes, and they all seem to give me a wide berth, wanting to stay away from me, for fear that I may have a repeat incident. I grit my teeth in frustration throughout the day, the pits after affects have come in full force and hits hard, just another testament to my failure to keep it under lock-and-key.

Eventually the school day comes to a close and I hurry to the rotunda, hoping to evade the crowds, and unfortunately, I fail. I get stuck in one of the congested halls without pity and am forced to stand at the side of the hall until some people manage to filter out of the halls some. I eventually manage to get to the rotunda and I realize I am here first, I'm a little surprised I got here before them, but they may be located further away and they easily could have been caught in the tide of students as well. I find a bench in off to the side and sit down, keeping an eye out for them.

A few minutes pass and I wonder briefly if they are even coming, this may just be a joke they are playing on the new kid, it is possible, but it doesn't seem to fit their personality well, so I give them the benefit of the doubt.

A few more minutes later, they do enter the rotunda, Misha looking as lively as always, and Shizune having the same serious expression that usually adorns her face. I take a moment to consider the possibility that they had me waiting as a mind game, having me wait puts them, psychologically, in the superior position. I'm actually fairly certain that is the case, but I'm not going to fall for it.

As I stand up and lean into my crutches once again, Misha waves in my direction and Shizune nods to me in greeting.

They approach and casually flank me on either side, effectively cutting off all routes of escape, not that I can exactly run away in the first place.

They whisk me away without a word, which is odd considering Misha is present, and she seems to be one of the most talkative people I have met.

We soon reach the student council room, and it's not exactly a sight for sore eyes. The place is empty and barely has any furniture in it, it has bookshelf full of board games instead of books, a large table in the middle, a black board, and that's all. There isn't much else in the room except for what I believe is a cob web in a corner of the room.

"Shiichan and I will have to spruce this place up a bit~!" Misha exclaims, sounding far too loud for the desolate space surrounding us.

Shizune nods in assent and move towards the book case, looking for the board game we desire.

"So, how are your other classes?" Misha asks me.

I consider the question seriously for a moment, how are the going? Academically, fine, socially? Horribly, but that is to be expected after what happened. I decide to use the academic option, "Fine, I guess."

"What level is your class?" She asks in an innocent manner.

"Why do you want to know?"

She shrugs, an action that make her drills bounce some, but the movement doesn't seem very Misha-like, but then again I don't know her that well yet, "Just out of curiosity." The way she says that makes me doubt it, something tells me Shizune has something to do with this, but there isn't any real use in lying.

(NOTE: I tried looking for the class rankings/levels/placement in Japan, but after about an hour of searching with no results, I gave up and I am using the system used at my highschool, AP=College level, Honours=Higher level, Regular=Regular (Who would've guessed).)

"Same science class as you have, AP calculus, honours world macro economics, regular Japanese, and honours literature, that's all of them." I say, giving her the list of my classes and their placement level.

She nods, "That's almost as good as Shiichan's! Except she has two classes higher than you!" she says this in an excited voice, as if Shizune's classes were the most fascinating topic in the world.

Before I can reply, there is the sound of something hitting the table and a snap, I turn around to see that Shizune had dropped the Risk box on the table and had snapped her finger to get our attention. The look in her eyes shows impatience and she quickly sits down, motioning for Misha and I to sit down. We both oblige and Shizune signs some to Misha.

"Shiichan asks if you need to hear the rules." Misha translates.

"No thanks, I remember the rules, now let's get started." I only have an hour-and-a-half until the chess meeting now, so I had better make this quick.

(If you don't want a lengthy description of how the game went, skip the next paragraph and continue on the one after it.)

After being dealt our territories, I take not that Shizune has a major hold on South America and Africa, while I heavy presence in Asia and North America. I choose to heap troops in Central America to keep Shizune out of my territories as I isolate and demolish the rest of her troops on the continent. It works well, and Shizune uses the same strategy to fully take control of Africa and South America. She still has one territory in Asia but that is quickly dominated by me. I have a continent under lock-and-key with heavily reinforced entry points, but Asia is still weak. She exploits this by launching raid attacks along the southern and western front form Africa and one territory in Europe. Making sure to keep a close eye on her border movement, I turn my attention to Australia, she only has one territory there and it is weak, so on my reinforce phase I put a few troops there and crush the rest of her forces in there, but this costs me as she manages to wrestle southern Europe and the Middle East out of my control. The loss of my Asia troop bonus isn't good, but I manage to take back the Middle East on my next turn and reinforce it. But Shizune is quickly pushing into Europe, taking it until all I have left there is Iceland. To keep her from getting the troop bonus, I reinforce heavily there from leftover troops in Greenland I never got to moving and a few others from my reinforce phase, and I begin to pack the heat in Ural and the Middle East, preparing for a push into Europe. But that plan is interrupted by a disturbance in Central America. I hadn't notice her modestly reinforcing South America. I curse my negligence and seek to rectify the damage by putting troops in the US territories to drive her back into South America. After a few turns of struggling back-and-forth, I manage to drive her out. But while I struggled to regain North America, she has put a lot of pressure onto Iceland. Realizing I had no other choice as I can't reinforce it enough this turn to stop her assault, I move my troops back into Greenland and reinforce them there. But I manage to keep her from dominating Europe when I launch an ambitious attack on Russia, and manage to hold against her initial waves that she sends after I manage to take control of Russia. Once I make sure Greenland, Russia, and other border territories are secure from threats, I decide it is time to go on the offensive. I quickly mount an offensive campaign to take South America and after some tug-of-war battles, I manage to push her out of Venezuela, and with that I gain entry to the rest of South America. I pick off the other territories and leave Brazil for last on purpose as to keep her from attacking me from the rear with forces from Africa. But I run into a wall once I reach Brazil, I can't take it, I don't have enough troops to overcome hers, so I have my troops dig in and prepare for a later assault. During this, she has been busy in Europe, finally taking control of the continent after taking Russia from me. And she cripples my reinforcements by her taking a territory in Asia once again. I manage to take Asia back and focus on Brazil again. I garner enough troops there and finally break through her defenses and bring down her reign over South America. With that, there isn't much hope left for her. I control the biggest continent, and I have successfully taken over four of the six continents on the map. I manage to kick her out of Europe after fighting a tooth-and-nail battle there, and fight tooth-and-nail once again by defeating her final fortresses in Africa from all sides. Madagascar is her final stand, but it falls not in a blaze of glory, but in a whimper due to there being virtually no soldiers there. It was a long, hard-fought battle, but I came out victorious. She was extremely good though, she was incredibly aggressive and wasn't afraid to take risks, as a huge fan and player of strategy games, I can easily respect that.

I reach out my hand and she grasps it, and we shake firmly, respect in my eyes, but I can't tell what's in hers.

"Good game." I say, as our hands separate from the handshake, using the time honoured phrase.

After Misha translates this, to her and she nods before signing something to Misha and Misha translates back to me: "Shiichan says it was a good game." I barely keep myself from allowing my passive face to turn into a frown at her tone, it was almost, disappointed. Very odd, it was just a game, but maybe it was something more for these two.

I say my good-byes and head out the door on my crutches, hurrying for the chess club, I don't want to be too.

I manage to get there only five minutes late.

I knock before I enter, letting them know someone is entering.

"Sorry I'm late," I say, as I enter, seeing Lilly and Hanako playing a game of chess, Hanako dominating from the looks of it, and Hisao watching their game with only mild interest. Hanako ignores me, apparently "in the zone", but Lilly swings her sightless eyes towards me and Hisao's dark ones also focus on the my disturbance.

"Hello, Ben." Comes Lilly's ever-soft voice before she goes back to focusing on the loosing battle.

Hisao briefly looks at a watch on his arm that I haven't noticed before, "You're only five minutes late, there's no need to say sorry."

"But I'm still late," I reply "it's not really punctual of me."

He smiles a little, "Punctuality isn't exactly forced with us."

I nod and lean my crutches against the wall as I sit next to Lilly in the only-vacant chair.

I watch as the game progresses, and I clearly see Lilly has no chances of wining. She is down to a rook, two pawns, and a king, meanwhile Hanako still has more than half her forces, including her queen. I am impressed at how well Hanako is doing, she already has Lilly nearly done with several more pieces left than I did when I had her forces whittled down to that level. And just as I think that, Hanako gets her Bishop back after getting one of her pawns to the opposite side of the board. The next turn she destroys Lilly's rook and the next one of Lilly's pawns, and than the next her last one. With its last safeguard gone, the king falls into checkmate and Hanako wins.

I notice Hisao fiddles with his watch for a moment before announcing: "Seven minutes and 12 seconds." I'm definitely impressed, all the moves I saw were masterfully executed and she dominated Lilly in under ten minutes when I took around twenty, were I to guess anyway. I can tell just by that time and my previous experience against Lilly, either Hanako is far better than I initially thought, or Lilly made some bad decisions against Hanako, something tells me it is the former, however.

"Impressive." I say under my breath without really thinking about it.

No one notices though as Lilly and Hanako are giving each other the "Good game" and discussing the match some, as is Hisao.

I don't pay much attention though, as I'm already busy formulating strategies to defeat Hanako, but none seem likely to be able to counter her brilliant moves. I give up for the moment and get back to the task at hand.

"That was very impressive." I say, congratulating Hanako.

She nods, looking very modest and shy. She switches seats with Hisao and I notice Lilly has gotten out of her chair as well.

I sit there for another moment before I realize I am meant to play against Hisao.

After a moment of awkwardly hoping into the adjacent seat, Hisao wordlessly starts the game.

(Another lengthy description of a board game ahead)

A few minutes later, I am pondering my position. Hisao seems to rely heavily on his queen and bishops to pick off unprotected pieces, and it is whittling away my front, which is no good. I am already down five pawns, which are invaluable as meat shields and sacrifices, so I don't like loosing them one bit. But I can't get to his queen and bishops, he never lets them stay in the field long enough to get trapped, his strategy seems to be hit and run, a strategy I have encountered before and find infuriating at its difficulty to trap and capture pieces. But, I think I have it figured out. After spending several precious moves carefully making getting the trap ready, I get ready to go into phase one. I move one of my pawns into a field of fire of his queen, the pawn can be hit by no other pieces. He take the bait and goes for the piece and claims the character for himself. I manage to keep my poker face at him falling for the trap. He spends his next move putting his queen back into its hidey-hole. He was so focused on taking my piece that he didn't notice he left his last bishop open to attack on the move I gained. One of my pawns is sitting diagonally from his bishop, that now has no where to go. If he takes my pawn, my knight will take it out. He chooses to take the pawn as last ditch effort to whittle my forces before my knight take his bishop. But that doesn't affect the plan much, no matter what he did, it would end the same now. Now my knight can take down his queen from its position, and my knight is untouchable from any other pieces. And the queen has only one route of escape. He eagerly takes this route and gets out of dodge. But now I move my knight elsewhere, to a spot where I put his king in check, which I announce. His queen can defeat my knight, but to do that, it would be in the line of fire for my last rook. But he has no choice, he sacrifices his queen. I feel some satisfaction at this, now he only has a rook, knight, and five pawns. I still have two rooks, a knight, a bishop, three pawns, and a queen. The queen and bishop were the main issues, now that those are gone, I will have little problem finishing his pieces. But he is still very good, and by the time I have him in check mate, I have lost both rooks, my last bishop and two pawns, more than what I initially thought my loses were going to be once I took down his queen. He is definitely very good. I exchange good games with him and he checks his watch.

"32 minutes and 12 seconds." he says.

"Damn." is all I have to say, that took far longer than I thought it would.

I look over and notice for the first time that Lilly and Hanako both have a cup and plate in front of them, cups were undoubtedly filled with tea at some point, and I believe I smell the scent cookies wafting from their plates and see some crumbs on the plates as well.

"Now you and Hanako go against each other, winner vs. winner." says Hisao.

He switches seats with Hanako and we start.

I got crushed.

That is all the description needed. She absolutely dominated my strategy with moves that seemed to have been planned 30 moves ago, all with insane precision. Holy shit is my best reaction.

Hisao smiles at seeing me getting dominated, and I can't blame him, I took him down, so he probably got a little satisfaction at seeing me get beaten by his girlfriend.

Hisao checks his watch, "15 minutes and 42 seconds." he announces.

Well, at least I lasted longer than Lilly.

I nod to her, "Good game." I say for the third time that day.

She nods a little bit somewhat shyly, "Likewise."

Hanako walks off for a moment, then comes back with a giant plastic bag.

"I brought us all dinner." she says, smiling.

We all say thank you as she hands us all the food, but Lilly nor Hisao immediately open it as Hanako goes to get a glass of water for everyone. I wonder why for a moment. I figure I had better wait too if they are going to.

She comes back with the water for everyone. Once she hands it all out she takes a bite out of it and swallows, then comes back for more. Once Hisao and Lilly see this, they dig in as well, and Hisao gives a silent sigh, although his exhale was visible. Perhaps her exploits in the kitchen aren't always successful? I have no idea why. But I take a bite out of mine anyway. It is some concoction made with noodles, chicken, and a variety of spices. But something tastes odd, then I recognize it, a taste similar to pine needles, is it what I think it is? I believe it is as there is a slight stirring in my stomach, not out of food digestion problems or anything like that, it is something else. I have to be sure it is what I think it is. If it is, there is a major problem.

"Hey Hanako," I begin to gain her attention, managing to mask my anxiety. She turns towards me to let me know she is paying attention. Her scars are there and are somewhat distracting, but I don't stare or think twice about it, that isn't my primary concern right now, "what is in this?" I ask, making sure my voice sounds curious.

Her eyes light up some, thinking that I love it and want to know the ingredients, it isn't bad, but I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, "It is made from," she goes onto a long list of ingredients that I don't recognize the majority of, but she says the word I have been dreading, "rosemary," and she finishes with a few more spices. I zone out the rest, as I think one thought, DAMMIT! Not so goddamn soon! I just had something like this happen just last week!

After she finishes, I make some lame excuse to that gets me out of the room after saying thank you and good-bye, they all look at me oddly as I exit, but I don't care, this is far more important. I rush to my dormitories as fast as possible on crutches. I have to start this long war alone, as when it starts, it will be at its ugliest.


	12. Story Progress Update Thing Excuses

Update/Notice thing:

It's been a while since the last update, almost three months now, I believe, and I would like to apologize for that.

Things have been hectic, summer went by incredibly fast, vacation in Montana, and many other things that complicated my schedule and also the fact the my laptop went kaput, along with every part of this story, chapter out lines, story concepts, character bios, etc., and none of that can be reclaimed as the hard drive pretty much exploded. Despite all this, I have been busy the past few weeks trying to get all that data back onto this computer, although the story will be altered from what it was first meant to be like, but I like the looks of it more than the last one, so the explosion of my hard drive may have been a blessing in disguise.

I cannot say for sure when I will put up the next chapter (The one I had up for about a day before I took it down due to me realizing that writing at 2:00 AM may not be a good idea. I can say that it will _probably _be up in a week or two, but updates won't be as frequent as they used to be since I am already swamped in school work only a week into school.


	13. Anger

Once again, I am sorry for the long delay, I was extremely busy during the summer. Even when summer ended, school decided to destroy my free time with homework and projects. A bunch of house renovations, trying to find a new house to move to, and other things has kept me from writing. Even when I find time to write, my laptop exploding and losing everything set me back quite a bit, but I finally have a new chapter, I hope you enjoy, but I may be a little rusty.

I ended up changing a lot more than I originally intended to from the original due to complications.

* * *

Chapter 12: Anger

I hobble down the school halls as fast as possible to try and reach the comfort and safety of my dormitory room as fast as possible. Unfortunately, I cannot claim to be the fastest person around here, especially when you factor in my crutches.

Thankfully, I manage to open the door to my room unchallenged.

By the time I sit down on my twin bed, having already put down my crutches on the floor in front of me, my arms are ever-so-slightly shaking, symptom number one, check.

I feel an odd sensation somewhere between my stomach and upper torso, symptom two, check.

I can feel the pit begin to struggle against the walls I have set up to keep it in check. I know the pit isn`t some physical being, but I swear that I can feel it thrashing against my barriers, that or I'm just imagining it. Symptom three, check. All systems are a go. And thus, the struggle begins.

#2, or word 2, doesn't mess around at all, it doesn't require it to be used multiple times for it to become dangerous, and for some reason if I taste something that has #2 in it, then it has the same effect as the verbal use has. But, there is one weakness, well not really weakness, but it can't stack, or in other words, once it is used, even if it is said twice, tasted twice, or vice versa, it won't strengthen. I can't tell you how many times I triggered the pit on purpose to get that information, not because it's too many to count, but because I got tired of counting how many times I willingly let that thing attack me.

Unfortunately, knowing is only half the battle, and the other half is the one that ends up mattering the most. My barriers have been conditioned by years of struggling against the pit, they will never, and have never come down easily, but when #2 triggers the pit, it guarantees a difficult fight no matter what the circumstances are. When #1 triggers the pit, it feels dark, bitter, and angry, but when it is a #2 trigger, it is fused with blind hate, fury and horrible fear, and like many things about the pit, I cannot really be sure why this is, and it is starting to get immensely frustrating not knowing a damn thing about the enemy. For the most part, I manage to keep the pit under control, but the pit is not something to take lightly, in my mind's eye, I watch with dismay as the pit eventually forces back my defensive lines, although I replace my barriers almost quickly as they fall, the pit gains a little ground. It may obey the general rules of the trigger words; they are only general rules, in reality I know next to nothing about the pit, if I did know, I might actually stand a better chance against the damned thing.

The pit rages against my inner walls, smashing many, only to end up halting its advance again due to another barrier blocking its path for every one they destroy.

Fighting the pit has never been a very enjoyable experience, even though I am aware there is no possible way that the pit is a physical entity, it does not prevent any confrontation with the pit from being an uncomfortable, tiring, and sometimes even physically painful. No matter how many times I may face it, nothing about it ever feels natural, it even feels a little artificial if anything. The mental strain of fighting the pit is just as tiring as fighting a physical being, and I had seen enough examples of how the pit can cause physical pain.

Every encounter with the pit is a little different, sometimes it may be what I call a "Dud", an easily dealt with breakout, other times it is merely average ,or "Joe", which is short for "Average Joe", and at the pit's strongest point, I call it "Defcon 1". I cannot remember the reason I started calling the levels of severity by a nickname, I may never have had a reason, I just started naming the levels one day and I suppose that is all that really matters, if that matter at all. This time it seems to be a slightly more dangerous Joe. It may obey the general rules of the trigger words; they are only general rules, in reality I know next to nothing about the pit, if I did know, I might actually stand a better chance against the damned thing.

In my mind's eye, I imagine a dam standing before a mighty surge of water, capable of destroying the once proud concrete structure, only for the water to find that many more dams stand between it and the ocean, its goal. The metaphor may not be perfect, for whatever battlefield the pit fight on, the playing field is not linear what-so-ever, it is has multiple paths and in actuality the a river wouldn`t be able to destroy that many concrete barriers. Actually, a prison riot is probably the best metaphor, the guards do their best to overwhelm the convicts, and usually they manage to keep all of them in the jail, but sometimes a few escape and wreak havoc on the surrounding area until the police are able to subdue them. In that metaphor, I am the police, the pit playing the convicts, and my internal barriers acting as the prison guards. Unfortunately, in this prison riot, a few convicts manage to escape into the night, and begin the cause trouble. The guards try to stop them, but they have already broken through their defensive lines, leaving the police to clean it up. I scowl with frustration, any time convicts escape, I am left with the worst job of them all, taking care of the convicts.

This is the worst part for a reason; there are two methods I have discovered that work against the pit, one is the method I used last Wednesday, where I direct the anger at myself, and that is the method that is only used as a last resort, when I am in public, in other words. The reason why is that if I try to use the second method in public, it would only backfire and cause me to lash out at the first person I see. However, in situations like this, the second method is ideal, well not really ideal, but the best option I have available. It is simple but drawn out, simply allow the anger to burn itself out. The pit's forces self-destruct and then reform over-and-over, each time getting smaller and smaller, until it finally burns out. Just like almost everything having to do with the pit, I have no idea why this happens and it infuriates me to no end. I have used logic successfully for almost every other problem in my life, but the pit defies logic, none of the laws of physics, biology, or math will help me in this, and I have no idea what will.

I grit my teeth as the pit's anger and hate sweeps over me. My hands start shaking without remorse. The second method may be simple and the most ideal, but it is by no means a leisurely stroll in the park. I feel anger and hatred, not from the pit, but from myself, and directed towards the pit. I have never allowed myself feel angry or hateful for anything, the pit being the only exception.

It is almost unbearable at first, but after a few minutes, the hate begins to simmer down a little, without anything to strike out at, it begins its self-destructive cycle, which will eventually get rid of the hate and anger, but that will take several hours at best.

I settle in for the long haul and stare vacantly at the wall across from my bed for a while, but not in peace. The pit is still churning in my stomach and the hate and anger is still there, and it will be there for a few hours.

Without really knowing why I start softly humming a tune, I don`t even remember the words to or the name of the song, just the tune. It was soft, droning, and remorseful. It kept my mind off the anger and hate.

After a few minutes, the song ends, and I transition into softly singing another song, there may be no instruments physically playing, but I can imagine it, the slow guitar chords, the deep, hollow sounds of the bass and drums, gentle playing of a piano, a violin at some parts, and the quiet, subdued voice. In my mind, it makes unparalleled harmony of one of the greatest, and saddest, songs of all time.

"So glad to see you have….overcome them….completely silent now…with heaven's help, you cast your demons out. And not to pull your halo down…around your neck and tug you off your cloud…but I'm more, than just, a little curious about how you're planning to make your amends…to the dead…to the dead."* I softly sing the anger fading into the background as I continue to hum and softly sing the words of the song. Once it ends, I start another, without thinking I start a cycle of singing and humming, transitioning from one song to the next without really thinking about it.

I start another one, the anger continuing to recede.

"But I'm on the outside, I can see through you, see your true colours, cause inside you're ugly, ugly like me, I can-"**

RING RING RING.

Goddamn alarm clocks.

The clock continues to make the most annoying sound ever created, only silencing when I slam my palm on the snooze button, and proceeding to turn it off.

I groan a little as I sit up, I hadn`t even noticed that it was already dawn. I apparently stayed up until the first light, even though the pit had more than likely subsided several hours ago, I can't really tell, I had been lost in the music of my head, and for some reason, I don`t even feel all that tired.

I go about my morning routine, getting a bath, putting on my school uniform, all the usual stuff. I play my acoustic a little longer than I normally do, wanting to put the encounter last night behind me.

Once I finish that, I fish my iPod out of my bag, plug in my headphones, choose Tool, and head out the door to face the world again.

* * *

*The Noose by A Perfect Circle

**Outside by Staind


End file.
